


Beyond Our Bond

by bornafluffychild



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, Angst, During Star Wars: The Force Awakens, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Training, Lightsaber Battles, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Seduction to the Dark Side, The Force, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-09 15:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8896201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornafluffychild/pseuds/bornafluffychild
Summary: Before he became Kylo Ren and before she became a hero in the resistance, they were both Jedi students.  Rey and Ben grow up together, struggling with their grasp of the Force and each other, knowing that their destinies are intertwined.





	1. Ben

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Star Wars fic. This is also cross posted on ff under the same title. Let me know what you think!

BEN

 

I don’t understand why my Uncle insists on waking me at such an absurd hour; it’s not as if he finds it necessary to seek me directly when returning from his other excursions.Still rubbing the sleep from my eyes in the dark of my room, I open the door to reveal a bedraggled looking Luke Skywalker.

 

“Uncle?”I know the informality of the address will certainly bristle on the Jedi Master but if Master Luke doesn’t want to be addressed with a moderate amount of rudeness then he shouldn’t visit at such an early hour.

 

“Ben, I’ve brought back with me several new students to join us, most of them young enough that they will be joining your class tomorrow.”Uncle Luke steps forward slightly and lowers his voice to continue.“One of them is particularly gifted.I’d like you to meet her early this morning before instruction; she’ll need particular guidance from you.”

 

I react with surprise; I had come to the academy when I was four but I am only ten now.Yes, I am teaching very basic skills to the newest and youngest children but specific tutelage is something that is reserved for older, more experienced students who have at least earned their padawan braid.Even then it is rare.

 

“But Uncle—“ my Uncle cuts my statement short with a sharp glare at my petulant tone and lack of formality.“I mean, Master Luke, I’m surprised that you would ask me to do this.Surely one of the more advanced students would be more appropriate for this task.”

 

He chuckles quietly at that, inciting a fiery anger deep in the pit of my stomach.

 

“Yes, it usually is and it will be this time as well— partially.You will be working with Ozias.He will help you be an excellent mentor.”

 

Anyone in the Academy would recognize Ozias’s name: he is one of Master Luke’s first students and an incredibly gifted Apprentice.He is also ten years my senior and doesn’t like me much, I suspect.Any student would be excited to work with Ozias but I only feel trepidation at the idea; I’ll only be seen as a failure against Ozias’s standards, I’m sure.

 

“But I’m not even an apprentice yet and Ozias isn’t a Knight.No youngling has ever had two mentors.This doesn’t—“

 

“You forget yourself, youngling.Am I not your teacher and Jedi Master?”

 

“You are, Master Luke.”

 

“And I have given you instructions.It is not for you to question my judgment on this.”

 

“Yes, Master Luke.I apologize for my reaction; I heed to your wisdom.”

 

“Go back to sleep, Ben.I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

 

I wake with a start, unsure exactly what brought me out of my dream.Whatever it is deserves my gratitude; I had been having another nightmare when something pulled me from my unconscious state.That same pull— like a tractor beam permanently lodged within my rib cage— continues now that I’m awake.I can’t account for it.

 

It isn’t the first time it has happened, either.Since I about the age of five, not long after I came to the Academy to train under Uncle Luke, I have felt it.But those were little tugs accompanied by the sense of emotions that didn’t quite seem to belong to me.At first it had been sporadic but over time the frequency increased so that it seemed as though I had an invisible companion constantly.And while I can often sense the feelings of others, as most Force sensitives can, this has always been different.I’ve tried to explain it to my Uncle, who responded vaguely and walked away with a confused and slightly concerned look.

 

But even that wasn’t as strong as this.Before, the tug was slight, weak.Now it is as though I’m physically tied to something else with a rope.What— or who— I haven’t any clue.This is all new and I have never heard anyone talk about anything comparable to it.

 

I’ve overslept, that’s certain, so even with hurrying through my usual morning preparations I only walk into morning meal with barely enough time to eat.Halfway down the hall from the dining area I recall my Uncle’s request to meet early this morning.I know I’ll have to apologize to him for failing to meet him; it will just count as one of my many failings.

 

The entire way to the dining hall I could feel that strange hold on me growing stronger as I walked.Now as I take a seat to serve myself it is even more so.Glancing around the room I look for what could possibly be the cause but come back with nothing.Perhaps I can ask my Uncle about it later when I will inevitably have to face the Jedi Master.It’s been a couple years since I last spoke about it to my Uncle, or anyone for that matter, so perhaps he has a better idea now what is causing it.

 

Even after being at the Academy for almost six full years, I still haven’t made any close friends.Naturally quiet, I have always found it difficult to initiate conversation.It means that most of my days pass in loneliness.Oddly enough, the same sense of loneliness has repeatedly come through to me from the hold I feel on me.Sometimes it’s been difficult to distinguish my own loneliness from what has been coming through from that. Right now, however, I can sense happiness and a feeling of safety.Something that hasn’t happened before.

 

_That’s strange._

 

Mornings are always a bit of a flurry since I assist teaching a class for brand new younglings, which often means I have to hurry through my morning meal to arrive early to help set up.Having gotten a late start, it is even more rushed today.I barely make it to the instruction room in time to help with set up and stop when I see my Uncle waiting outside the door, clearly waiting for me.

 

“Ben, you missed our meeting this morning.”

 

“Yes.My apologies, Master Luke, I overslept.”I avoid my Uncle’s eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment that undoubtedly lies there.I can feel my own cheeks heating with shame and embarrassment.

 

“No matter, youngling.Your young student similarly didn’t rise until late this morning.In fact, she barely woke in time for morning meal.”My eyes snap to my Uncle’s in surprise of his light, sympathetic tone.“But you’ll meet her in just a few minutes when we begin class.”

 

“You’re observing today?”My voice betrays my nervousness as the idea, squeaking slightly at the end.

 

“Yes— I wish to see the skills of our newest students personally in this setting.”

 

“Then I should take my leave to help prepare for class.I’m already tardy.”

 

“That is unnecessary; I already informed the other instructors you would be meeting with me instead of helping with set up.I want to speak with you for a minute more.”He gestures to an empty bench by the door and I take a seat next to him.“I know you’re surprised I’ve asked you to mentor a new student but I truly believe the experience will benefit you both and that once you meet her you’ll agree.The Force is strong with her, she’s possibly the strongest Force user that has existed in a long time in the galaxy, and she naturally wields it and improves on her own.She does, however, need guidance and while Ozias is skilled and an excellent teacher, I believe that you will find your role unique in her instruction.”

 

“Of course, Master.I defer to your wisdom on this matter.”

 

“Yes, yes, of course.I also believe that Ozias will offer exceptional guidance to you and once you don your padawan braid he will accept you as his Apprentice.He will have passed his final trials and be a Jedi Knight at that point.”

 

“Ozias would be my Master?But he doesn’t even like me.”

 

My Uncle waves off the concern.

 

“Master Yoda didn’t seem to favor me when we first met.But he became my Master and mentor.I like to believe we also became friends.Remember, Ben, the bond between a Jedi and his Apprentice is never truly severed.”

 

“I remember.”I look up and notice the volume of students entering the room. Ishould as well as class will start any minute.

 

“I have one question for you before we join your class; the ‘pull’ you told me about years ago— do you still feel it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Has it changed?”

 

“Yes— in fact it has grown stronger.I noticed it this morning.Both the feeling of being tied to something and the projected emotions have.Why do you ask?We haven’t talked about it in so long.”

 

“Curiosity.I have an idea but it’s best we talk about it later.Let’s not keep the students waiting.”  


Class is just about to start when we enter.Across the room I notice one of the instructors, Katya, speaking to a few students in a stern voice, seemingly attempting to break up some sort of argument.I can’t explain it, not even to myself, but I feel the familiar pull drawing me to that area, stronger than I’d ever felt it before.I let it, crossing the room so I can see what is happening.

 

I can barely believe what I find.In the middle of a group of students stands a girl— perhaps five years of age judging by her size— spinning a staff in the air above her head.She isn’t touching it though— she is using the Force.I’ve never seen an untrained student do anything like it.It’s beautiful.

 

“Rey, put the staff down.It’s time for class.”My Uncle’s voice comes from beside me and I realize I’ve completely forgotten about my Uncle’s presence.

 

The little girl— Rey— looks over to my Uncle, continuing her previous trick defiantly.It makes me chuckle softly, which catches her attention.Her eyes meet mine and widen for reasons I can’t place before the staff drops out of the air and into her waiting palms.Katya wastes no time confiscating it from her and ushering the other students to their places for class.

 

Rey, however, stands transfixed on me for several seconds before shaking it off and approaching.

 

“I’m Rey.”She extends her hand to shake mine.“What’s your name?”She has to be the most self-possessed child I have ever met.

 

“Ben.”I clasp her tiny hand in mine and swear the pull intensifies exponentially, almost singing through the Force.A wave of happiness washes over me— mine or someone else’s, I’m not sure.

 

As I look at her beaming smile I suddenly realize,

 

_It’s her.The pull is to her._

 

Never would I have guessed that the incessant feeling of being tied to something— now clearly it is actually to some _one_ — would be from a little girl.It seems impossible yet here we are.

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Ben.I’m new.”

 

“I know— I teach this class to new students and I haven’t seen you here before today.Welcome.”

 

“ _You’ll_ be my teacher?”She drops my hand and looks at me almost in shock.I chuckle again at her open reactions.

 

“Yes— one of them.”

 

Her smile brightens at that.I swear her face is going to split open if she keeps it up.

 

“And it’s time for class to start, Rey, so Ben needs to go.”My Uncle interjects and steers me toward the front of the room where the instructors are standing.

 

It takes a moment to compose myself, recovering my usual blank expression in front of my students.Once we’ve introduced ourselves to the students we begin demonstrating basic combat forms.For many students who have been in the class for a while it’s review but it’s entirely new for the others.I can’t help but sneak a glance at Rey every so often.I’m completely confounded by what is happening.Even now I feel drawn to her.It answers one of my long-held questions but leaves many unanswered and even raises new ones.

 

Most of the time I spend the class period touring the room, correcting and advising students.Today is no exception so I begin my usual route through the rows of younglings.I do make a detour to stop by where Rey stands, carefully going through the demonstrated forms.I note with odd satisfaction that she’s picked them up quite well and only needs minor adjustments. 

 

“Your other foot needs to move to the left slightly.”I bend down to adjust it appropriately.With it in place I move so I’m in front of her, facing her with one hand raised.“Now, punch my hand like Janile demonstrated earlier.”

 

Her eyes narrow just before she extends her arm, hitting my palm.It has more force than I am anticipating from such a small, young child.

 

“Wow, that’s good.How did you get so good at that so quickly?”  


I notice her cheeks reddening and can feel her satisfaction at the compliment.

 

“Where I come from, you have to know those things.”

 

“What do you mean?”My brows furrow in confusion— why would a small child need to know anything like this outside of training to be a Jedi?

 

“I—“ she opens and closes her mouth repeatedly before she seems to decide something and shuts it again, staring back at me.I can feel her embarrassment seeping through their bond.

 

I take that as a queue to move on.“Your forms are really good— you’re a natural at this, Rey.If I’m not careful, you’ll be beating me in fights soon.”

  
There’s her bright smile again, lighting up her entire face.

 

I hate to tear myself away from her to work with the other students but I know I’ll earn a lecture from the older instructors if I don’t.Besides, it would be detrimental for her to appear to be receiving any type of favoritism.So I slowly make my way back on my regular round to assist other students, forcing myself to give them my full attention so I won’t find myself watching her again.It seems strange to me to be so captivated by a little kid and if I think it’s strange, that means other will find it more so.

 

When Katya announces class is finished for the day, I can feel my sense of relief but also the disappointment being projected to me.Glancing over to where Rey still stands I notice how her face has darkened considerably, her smile absent now.She glances up first looking at me and then something behind me and a wide smile breaks across her face again.I can feel her excitement as she launches herself into a full run.

 

“Ozias!”It comes out as a high pitched, happy scream as she flings herself against the older, taller Apprentice who is standing next to his Jedi Master. She wraps her short arms around his waist as best as she can manage.

 

“Hello, young one.”I’ve never seen Ozias smile but I do now as the Apprentice looks down at the small girl.

 

She frowns in return.

 

“Ozias you know I don’t like that.”  


“Oh, I’m sorry.”He feigns naivety and quickly swoops down to pick her up, swinging her up to sit on his hip, an arm fastened around her securely.“Alright, scavenger girl.Is that better?”

 

“Yes, but not much.”She busies herself inspecting the collar of his cloak and toying with his shoulder length dark hair as he laughs at her matter-of-fact tone.

 

“How was your first class?”

 

Her face lights up immediately.“It was great!I learned how to stand and Ben let me punch him.”

 

Ozias casts his blue eyes over to me with an amused twinkle.

 

“Just my palm.Janile taught a punch as part of the basic stance.”My words jumble out of my mouth in a hasty explanation.

 

“I’m sure you were excellent at it, then, Rey.”

 

“Yes, I was.”She beams back at Ozias, who laughs again at her confidence and obvious happiness.

 

“Alright, Rey, I think you should follow the other students to midday meal.Ben needs to finish cleaning up from class and then he’s going to talk with Ozias and I.You can come to my study after midday meal is done.”My Uncle interjects as Ozias lowers the girl back to stand on the floor.

 

“I don’t know where your study is, though, Master Luke.”

 

“Ben will come get you from midday meal and show you.”Ozias offers, nodding his head toward me and i understand that this isn’t up for discussion.

 

“OK!”With the same ferocity she ran to Ozias, she runs out the door to follow the other students down the hall.

 

“Ben,” my Uncle is looking at me now.“Come down to my study as soon as you’re done cleaning up.”

 

“Yes, Master Luke.”

 

It doesn’t take long to put everything away, especially since I am hurrying as much as possible.My mind is whirring with questions for my Uncle not just about Rey but about the strange tie I have to her.What could it mean?

 

I’m about to open the door to my Uncle’s study but stop when I hear Ozias and my Uncle speaking.

 

“I still don’t think that it’s a good idea for me to teach him.”

 

“Ozias, I told you: they have to be together.You sensed what I sensed when we saw her; you know they’re linked.And you asked to teach her.”

 

“I know what I asked for.”Ozias snaps at my Uncle for the first time that anyone has probably ever witnessed.I wonder if it’s happened before behind closed doors.

 

“You forget yourself, Apprentice.I am still your Jedi Master, even if I let you speak freely and you’re close to becoming a Jedi.”

 

“My apologies, Master Luke.I am simply concerned.The pressure of teaching two younglings is immense, especially ones of their aptitude and potential.”

 

“I know but he’ll be a help to you and he’ll be your Apprentice soon.He’ll be able to assume a larger role in her training and eventually when he passes the trials he’ll take her as his Apprentice and assume that role from you so you’ll be more free.”

 

Ozias looks up at the Jedi, startled.

 

“Don’t think that I haven’t felt your restlessness, Apprentice.The Master-Apprentice bond is strong and you do a miserable job at hiding it anyway.I never expected you to stay at the Academy forever; you need to go exercise your talent in the galaxy.You’re one of my best pupils and you’ll be an excellent Jedi.”The Jedi Master turns his attention to the door then. “And Ben, you will be an excellent Apprentice eventually but you have to learn to stop eavesdropping in the hallway or at least learn to disguise it better.”

 

The door opens with the wave of my Uncle’s hand and I enter with a sheepish look on my face.

 

“Don’t bother lying and telling me that you didn’t want to interrupt; it doesn’t matter anyway.You already knew that I had asked Ozias to eventually take you on as an Apprentice.The rest of what you heard were all things I planned to tell you at this time so it’s just as well.Tell me, Ben, what do you think of our new students?”

 

“Rey’s the student you were talking about this morning, isn’t she?The one you want me to help teach?”

 

“Yes.Would you like to teach her?”

 

“Yes, I would.”

 

“Good, then it’s settled.Once she’s finished with midday meal we’ll talk with her.I’m sure she’ll be happy since she’s already taken a liking to both of you.”

 

“Uncle, before we do that, I wanted to ask you something.”

 

“Yes, Ben?”

 

“You asked me this morning about the pull I had mentioned to you long ago and I felt it stronger in class today, drawing me to her: to Rey.Earlier I heard you tell Ozias that we’re linked.What does that mean?”

 

A look passes between the Jedi and his Apprentice that I can’t decipher.Perhaps I wasn’t supposed to ask that question but I need to know.This strange feeling is becoming increasingly unnerving.

 

“Ben, do you remember learning about Force bonds?”

 

“Yes, they’re formed between a Master and his Apprentice.They can’t be severed.”

 

“Correct and that’s the only Force bond that many Jedi have ever seen or experienced.But in some old texts I’ve seen that in very rare circumstances two people who are not Master and Apprentice can form a Force bond.Usually when this happens it’s at birth.You first told me about your strange feeling when you were about five.Rey is about five years younger than you so it would have been when she was born.The two of you have a bond that can’t be broken for the rest of your lives and when it’s forged like this it surpasses the bond of a Master and Apprentice.Over time the bond will grow and deepen.”

 

“I don’t understand.”  


“You’ll be able to sense each other, as you already can, beyond what any other Jedis can and communicate with each other as well as share thoughts and possibly dreams.All of these things might be possible already and you just don’t know because it hasn’t been exercised.”

 

“But why did this happen with her and I?”

 

My Uncle offers an unhelpful shrug.“Honestly, I don’t know.It’s the will of the Force and it works in ways we can’t always understand immediately.In time it will become clearer.Is there anything else?”

 

“Yes, actually.When I had Rey practice her punch she made a comment that where she came from she had to know how to do things like that.Where exactly did you find her?”

 

My Uncle lets out a long, tired sigh.Again I wonder if this is a question I’m not supposed to ask since it taxes my Uncle so much.I almost tell my Uncle not to mind the question but Ozias begins to answer before he can.

 

“We met Rey on Coruscant.Her parents died years ago and she’s been living in a home for orphaned children since then.”Ozias approaches me and puts a soft hand on my shoulder.“Those homes are barely that— they are only really a place for the children to sleep when fear and violence doesn’t prevent it but they offer nothing else for them, and even that small refuge is offered only at a high price.Many of the children resort to stealing, begging, or practical slavery in order to cobble together a meal every day.They’re usually careful to avoid detection from stormtroopers so they don’t end up either taken to be used as forced labor or taken back to the home, where they will be beat for having been caught.It’s not a happy existence.”

 

The idea that the small child I watched greet Ozias so affectionately and who gladly approached me would be subjected to such things ignites a fire of anger deep in my core.Whoever let such atrocities exist and inflict such pain on her is not worthy to exist.

 

“How did you and Uncle—Master Luke find her then?”

 

Now my Uncle takes over answering.

 

“Your father ran into her, quite literally, while he was on planet.She tried to use a mind trick to get him to give her his money.Han of course found it endearing and told her he’d buy her food if she told him who she was and how she learned the trick.”

 

I could imagine it.My father, while mostly absent, is generally a pushover for children when he’s around them and I suspect it would hold true especially for a child in such need as her.Having been orphaned himself, Han Solo would undoubtedly feel the urge to help her.When he found out the truth of her circumstance that compulsion would intensify.

 

“It took a while but she finally told him her name and that she lived at the home for orphaned children.It seems that for the most part she would scavenge for things to sell or trade for food. While they ate he noticed she was levitating rocks and fruit around them, apparently having naturally taught herself all of this, most likely out of necessity.He took her back to the home but she panicked as they got closer, telling him that she would get in trouble if she was seen with him.When he asked her what sort of trouble she showed him a bruise on her arm, presumably from the people who run the home.Once he left, he contacted me and told me of her abilities, asking if I would consider taking her as a student.”

 

“So you went back for her?”

 

“Yes.Han offered but I thought it would be more effective if I did it.It took a bit of work but we managed to successfully impress upon the people running the facility that they should release her into the care of the Academy.She immediately latched on to Ozias and wouldn’t leave his side until we arrived here early this morning. 

 

“So you understand, Ben, her life has been very difficult in her short years and she probably has had to protect herself from violence.Being a child with Force abilities and no one to guide her, she lived a very solitary life: other children were scared of her and the caregivers, if they can even be called that, were nervous as well and would incite violence upon her when she would wield any of her abilities.It’s a wonder that she’s still so open and wanting to learn.She’ll need support and guidance from both of you to help her adjust and feel safe here.It won’t be easy for her to let go of what has happened and trust, so she’ll need you to welcome her and help her.You’re in a unique position to help her with this since you share a Force bond with her.OK?”

 

“Yes, Unc— Master Luke.I understand.”

 

“Good.Why don’t you fetch her from midday meal so we can talk with her.She’ll need to get settled into a room this evening, too.I’ve arranged that she’ll be next door to you in case she needs anything.”

 

Any other day, in any other situation, I would protest the idea of a five-year-old being roomed next to me.Now, however, I only nod silently before leaving the room to walk to the dining area.I haven’t even registered that I’ve failed to eat since morning meal and most likely won’t eat until evening meal.My mind is preoccupied with repeating Ozias’s and my Uncle’s words over and over.Disgust is the first emotion that bubbles up once I’ve quelled the anger I could feel taking root: disgust at the entire situation and revulsion at the despicable people who would do such things.

 

I stop for a moment and compose myself before I enter the dining area, not wanting her to see me upset.I search our bond for any feelings from her and find mostly contentment but a small edge of concern as well.She can sense my emotions, I realize belatedly, and is most likely concerned about the feelings she’s sensing through our bond.Hopefully she doesn’t believe any of them are directed at her; I must do everything possible for her to not even remotely think that they would be. 

 

It doesn’t take me more than half a minute to locate her and walk through the maze of seated students to where she sits.I’m almost guilty about having to take her away as I watch her in fits of giggles with a couple other children her age, none of whom I recognize.They’re probably all new students.The moment I approach, however, she turns and lights up, her eyebrows raising and a broad grin spreading across her face.

 

“Ben!You came to get me like Master Luke said you would!”

 

She sounds so excited about it but also genuinely surprised, as if she thought it wouldn’t actually happen.My heart breaks just a little bit at that thought.How many times has someone broken a promise they’ve made to her?I pull an empty chair over so I can sit by her, away from the table.

 

“Of course I did.Master Luke told you I would and a Jedi doesn’t break his word.”

 

“Oh.Well, then let’s go!”She moves to jump off her seat so we can leave but I place a hand on her shoulder to hold her where she is.

 

“Not yet.Finish your food and then we’ll go, OK?Master Luke said for you to come after midday meal, not to leave before you’re done.”

 

She takes the instruction easily, falling back into chatter with the other younglings at the table while she finishes.Before she does, however, she insists on introducing each one to me proudly, as though I’m a prize she’s won.They each politely greet me and some remark that they recognize me from the class they just finished that morning and that they enjoyed my instruction.They’re all pleasantries that I’m sure their parents instilled in them over the years; polite nothings.

 

I notice, looking around the table, that she’s one of the youngest, if not the youngest of the group.I know it’s not often that children come as young as her or as young as I had.The strange thing is how they give her their attention despite her age, though given her eloquence she must sound older to them than she is.Then there’s the matter of her superior skills— I can sense admiration from some but also jealousy forming in others after today’s class.The latter I’ll have to talk to Ozias about and figure out how to appropriately warn Rey without also scaring her, though I’m doubtful she feels fear about practically anything.

 

“Teacher, will we learn forms like that every day?”It’s an older one of the new students— a boy— who asks, effectively shaking me from my dark concerns. 

 

“Yes, you will.You will also spar with each other, learn forms and tactics for fighting with certain weapons—“

 

“Like lightsabers?”

 

“Yes, eventually.You’ll also learn not to interrupt your teachers.”

 

I offer the chastisement with a gentle tone, not wanting to be too harsh to a child who is new and doesn’t know the rules yet.The boy’s cheeks color with the embarrassment of such a public scolding.

 

“You’ll all learn the rules quickly but the first one is to respect your fellow students and your teachers.” I turn to Rey, noticing her empty plate.“Are you ready to go, Rey?”

 

“Yes.”She slides out of her seat and bids goodbye to the others before I rise and steer us both out of the dining area.

 

I can feel the boy glowering at Rey as we walk and make a mental note to keep an eye on him in the future, especially when we start sparring in class.

 

“A lot of the other students don’t like me.”

 

She doesn’t sound sad as she says it; she’s more matter-of-fact, as though it’s something she’s observing from far away.

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“I can feel it: some of them are mad at me and others just hate me altogether.I felt it a lot in class.And some of them are just scared of me.”

 

“They’re envious of your abilities.You’re already light years ahead of them and even many of the students who have been here for years.Sometimes that makes people angry and they’ll have to learn to control that.”My brow creases as my mind wanders back to the events of that morning.I stop her with a hand on her shoulder and kneel down so we’re eye level.“When I saw you twirling the staff this morning— someone had been mean to you or maybe threatened you, that’s why you were doing that, isn’t it?”

 

She offers a quick shrug.

 

“No one can expect everyone to treat them well.And no one is going to be nice all of the time.It’s OK; I’m used to it.The kids and the adults at the home were scared of me and were often angry with me. I learned to protect myself.”

 

The jaded words seem to incongruent coming from such a brightly shining child.She’s too young to already know these bleak realities about people.I wonder when I learned them myself.

 

“True, but like I told the others, the Academy expects everyone to be respectful of each other.If anything like that happens again, will you tell me?”

 

“I can take care of myself.”

 

“It’s not about that.I’m your teacher and if one of my students is misbehaving I should know about it.”

 

She nods at me after a moment of hesitation.I offer a slight smile before standing back up and continuing our trek to my Uncle’s study.

 

“Do you like it here so far?”

 

“Yes.”She smiles at me happily in a way that brings a smile to my face as well.“I’m excited to learn and class this morning was fun.”

 

Why I breathe a sigh of relief at that, I’m unsure.

 

“Master Luke asked if Ozias and I could spend extra time teaching you by yourself outside your classes.Would you like that?”  


I don’t think I imagine the skip in her step at my question and I _know_ I’m not imagining the rush of happiness I sense from her.Suddenly, though, there’s a jolt of surprise and fear from her and then I’m frozen in place, mid stride.

 

“Sorry, I panicked.I didn’t want you…”she trails off as her eyes wander to the space in front of me.My eyes follow and see the support column with which I was about to collide.I can hear her chuckle.

 

“Release me, Rey.”I halt once both feet are back on the ground and steer myself around the column carefully.

 

“Sorry I laughed at you.”

 

“It’s alright— it’s pretty comical.”I’m surprised by my words; usually someone, especially a little kid, laughing at me would stir the dark voice of my anger.“You’re really skilled, you know that?I don’t think any of us have seen a self-taught five-year-old with your abilities.It all seems to come instinctually; you’ll barely need any instruction, I bet.”

 

“But you’ll still teach me, right?’Her voice waivers with genuine concern.

 

“Of course I will.”  


“Good.”She slips her hand into mine, and I know for certain the skip has returned.


	2. Ben

**BEN**

 

The first few weeks are the hardest since they’re filled with nightmares that wake Rey and subsequently, me, several times each week.She never cries, but screams until she wakes.Each time, I hurry into her room and find her sitting curled up, clutching her pillow to herself, in the corner of her bed.It takes a while to get her back to sleep the first few times but after that it becomes much quicker and easier once we’ve established a pattern.

 

Each time I enter her room and sit on her bed, leaning against the wall, and pull her over to sit with me.Sometimes she sits next to me, her head leaning against my ribcage and my arm wrapped around her shoulders.When the nightmares are worst she scurries on to my lap and hugs herself to my chest as hard as she can manage, my arms wrapping around her as I shush her panicked breathing.I always ask after her dream but she shakes her head emphatically and I let it drop, not wanting to upset her any more than she already is.Eventually she calms down and with arms still wrapped around her I speak in a soothing voice, telling her to imagine someplace pleasant; someplace peaceful.

 

When her body sags against me and her breath becomes even I know she’s fallen back asleep— it only takes a few minutes-- and I move her so she’s tucked back into bed.Before I leave I stop and let myself glimpse into her dream, checking that it’s peaceful and not just another nightmare.I find it’s almost always an island that seems oddly familiar to me though I’m not sure why.Once I’m satisfied that she’s safe and not at risk of waking again I allow myself to return to my room and find sleep myself, knowing I’ll be tired the next day.

 

The first night is the worst of them all.It’s that night when she’s in her short sleeved shirt and sleep shorts that I see the bruises and scratches along her arms and legs for the first time.Some bruises appear to have been made with a hand or fist, others with a strap of some sort; the scratches betray nothing of their origins other than the obvious of having been inflicted with a sharp object.Instead of having violent anger at the sight, I feel an intense want to cry for her.The idea of abuse is devastating to my ten-year-old self and I can’t make sense of what would drive someone to it.I resolve not to ask her for their stories, assuming that it would only re-traumatize her unnecessarily.Instead I do what would become our ritual: I hold her against myself until she falls back asleep.Once she’s tucked back in and I’ve returned to my room, I bury my head in my hands and allow myself to silently sob.Even though I’ve been alone for years and thus have matured in some ways quicker than my ten years would have normally allowed, the image of her so beaten and bruised makes me desperately wish for the comfort of my mother.

 

After the first week I’m ailing under the weight of sleep deprivation.Even though it doesn’t take long for Rey to fall back asleep each time, it still wakes me and I find it difficult to turn my mind off so I can find rest once more as well.Usually my mind whirs with thoughts about why Rey has so many nightmares, what causes them, and what the subject of them is.It means my waking hours become more challenging and I’m ready to snap after that first week with irritation at the situation, at my classes, and at her.Some days I find myself wishing I hadn’t agreed to teach her or that we didn’t have this strange bond that connects us to the point that I can hear her calling out to me in my sleep.I always feel guilty after having those thoughts and hope that she hasn’t sensed them.

 

Ozias notices my near delirium and inquires.I tell him about the nightmares and sitting up with her around a deep yawn that elicits sympathy from the Apprentice.He suggests that I go back to my room after my afternoon classes to rest and that he’ll handle Rey’s training and everything else for the evening.If I didn’t feel so absolutely vacant from lack of sleep, I would have thought to thank Ozias for the offer but I do, so I simply nod, attempting not to fall asleep in my midday meal.

 

Mercifully, that afternoon and night none of my own nightmares haunt me and I’m able to sleep through without incident.If Rey has a nightmare I’m unaware of it.I don’t rouse until late morning and then it’s only with the aid of a very energetic and slightly anxious five-year-old jumping on me.

 

“Ben, wake up!It’s almost time for midday meal.Ozias says if you don’t get up soon you’ll miss it like you did class this morning.”

 

The world around me is bleary through my sleep-addled eyes as I take in the haze of the late morning sun and begin to panic.Wait, I’ve missed morning class?I can imagine just how irritated Katya and Janile will be when I have to face them; they would glare at me and say it’s fine but secretly, behind my back, they will grumble how I’m only allowed to be such a failure because of my Uncle and parents.They will add this to the growing list of inadequacies the other students found in me.Just another example of nepotism aiding me.Sometimes I hate being the child and nephew of war heroes.

 

“Rey, why did you let me sleep so late?”I throw off the cover and hustle out of bed, ignoring the bite of cold stone on my feet.

 

“Ozias said to; he told the instructors you were excused this morning and would only be training with him and I today.”

 

I can’t imagine Ozias doing something like that, wondering how bad of a state I must be in for my Master to willingly tell such a fable so I can oversleep.My gaze falls back on Rey, who is standing in the middle of the room, dressed in her robes, with her hair in a single braid that originates at the crown of her head and trails down her back.

 

“Did you braid your hair?”I’m confused; that seems almost impossible for her to do on her own.

 

“No, Ozias braided it for me this morning when he came to get me for morning meal.”

 

“Oh, well, Ozias has more talents than I knew.”One glance down at my own rumpled robes reminds me that I fell asleep in my clothes the night before.“I’ll take you down for midday meal once I change, OK?”

 

She nods and skips out of my room to the hall.When I emerge a minute later, she immediately launches into an excited retelling of what she learned in class that morning.It’s entertaining to witness, especially because most of what they covered are things that I feel quite confident she already knows but still she seems amazed that someone would want to teach to her.Despite my drowsiness I find myself smiling at her, thinking that the strain of sleep deprivation is worth listening to her utter fascination and elation at the simplest things.

 

The third week sludges along, though I’m barely awake enough to notice any of it.I’m dangerously close to cracking at any moment, my anger or anxiety threatening to take over.Everyone gives me a wide berth, unless I’m just imagining it, avoiding interactions with me and leaving me to myself.Even Ozias and Rey look at me warily, Ozias sending me back from individual training early to sleep when I can and Rey almost hiding behind him when I’m around.Through our bond I can feel her near-constant worry and fear.I’d feel guilty if I had the presence of mind to process the emotion.

 

When I wake up to Rey’s screams during the nights that week, I can tell she’s reluctant to have me stay with her, telling me that I should go back to sleep instead.The first night I do but end up spending most of the night plagued with her fear and loneliness permeating our bond to the point that I could practically wrap myself in them.Each subsequent night I sit with her as usual, noting grumpily that she seems more nervous about falling back asleep than normal, or that could be her nervousness to be around me that I’m identifying.

 

The fourth night in a row I wake to her screaming and drag myself to her room, grumbling under my breath about why she can’t seem to sleep through one single night.I feel like I’m about to explode and in a far corner of my mind a voice nags at me that I’m not being fair to her and my attitude will just scare her if I’m not more careful.The voice is drowned out by her continued screams when I enter her room. 

 

She’s still asleep, though, which is unusual.I’m struck suddenly by curiosity at what could possibly be plaguing her in the night.Tentatively, I approach her and place my hand to her temple.I let my eyes slip closed and reach out to her mind.

 

Immediately I recognize the darkened tunnel and the frantic feeling of being pursued.When she turns herself about in the shadows suddenly a large, disfigured entity comes back into view.She screams.

 

I’m back in her dark room suddenly, frowning to myself.She’s having my nightmare; the one I’ve had since ever I can remember.My heart sinks with the weight of guilt at this realization and the faint memory from a year ago of my own identical dream that also featured a small, dark haired girl.It had been her.She’d shared my dream back then and she’s been having them all along as I’ve been grumbling and snapping at her inability to not wake me up.Truly, I’m selfish.

 

Right now it’s clear that the implications of our Force bond have not been kind for her.It’s almost physically painful for me to realize that by her sharing my dream I’ve caused her undue pain.She’d be better off not being afflicted with the burden that is our bond.

 

With both hands on her shoulders I shake her, calling her name.She wakes with a start and stares at me, her eyes still frantic.Instead of pulling her to sit next to me, our backs against the wall, I motion for her to move over and slide into the bed next to her.My arm wraps around her shoulders, tucking her in to my side as she rolls over on to hers, facing me.As we both search for sleep again, I recite the familiar words,  


“Imagine someplace pleasant, someplace peaceful.”

 

As soon as her breaths even out I let my mind reach out and brush against hers until I can see the image playing there.A vast ocean with a fecund island consumed with verdant greenery comes into view.The wind moves in a light caress across it as gentle waves lap the shore.At least she has a place of solitude to keep her from the hellish images of my dreams.I stay in her paradise, sleep finally claiming me once again.

 

I don’t wake until the hall light spreads over my face when the door opens.Even then it’s a gentle rousing from unconsciousness instead of the usual jolt back into reality to which I’ve grown accustom.There’s a large form that I can somewhat make out through my squinting eyes, taking shape increasingly into Ozias.His arms are crossed over his chest and I wonder if he’s quietly angry at me, though I’m not entirely sure why he would be.The urge to talk is readily apparent in his expression so I motion him to stay silent as I carefully extract myself from Rey, paying close attention to not disturb her.

 

Once we’ve silently exited the room he asks the question I’ve been anticipating,

 

“What happened?”

 

“Her nightmare was especially bad last night; she wouldn’t stop screaming but she hadn’t woken up.I had to shake her awake and when I saw what her nightmare was about, I couldn’t leave her.She was so scared to go back to sleep and I felt…guilty.”

 

“Look, I know you’ve been short with her lately because you’re tired and she has been more reserved around you because of it, but you don’t have to feel guil—“

 

“It’s my nightmare she’s having, Ozias.The nightmare that’s making her wake up panicked and screaming, you know that one?It’s mine.I’ve had that nightmare since I can remember and we must have accidentally shared it sometime, probably a year ago.So all of the times that she’s screamed and clutched her pillow and shook in terror, those were all because of me; because of my dream that originated in my head that she had the bad luck of experiencing.It’s not her fault that she ended up bound to me.”

 

His eyes soften toward me as he silently listens to my outburst.There’s a thoughtfulness in his face as he studies me once I’ve finished speaking, still huffing my breath when I’m done.

 

“You can’t control your dreams, Ben.Yes, it’s unfortunate that she has to experience them but I don’t think that she would believe your Force bond is awful just because of something like that.You’re very devoted to her well being, Ben; that counts for a lot, especially to a kid who isn’t used to anyone caring for her at all.”He lays a warm hand on my shoulder as he speaks, squeezing slightly.“Go get ready; I’ll make sure Rey gets up and makes it to morning meal.”

 

 

It is still a few more weeks before things settle and Rey spends a majority of her nights sleeping through them instead of waking in terror.That change comes as a relief; not because I worry about my own well being in this case but because I fret for hers.We’ve fallen into a pattern that has the three of us spending most of our days together, eating, training, and talking.Ozias splits the time we have outside of class between teaching me more advanced skills and reviewing ones that are new for Rey though remedial for me.I don’t mind it, though, and actually begin to embrace instructing her both in and out of regular class time.

 

It’s a few more months before my Uncle decides that Rey and I only need attend the morning class I help instruct and otherwise spend the rest of the day learning under Ozias’s tutelage.He claims that it will be a better use of time given our advancement.I try to ask Ozias why my Uncle made such a decision but he just grins and tells me I’ll figure it out on my own eventually.

 

Because of that change, I find myself sitting on the steps outside the main school hall, watching Ozias braid Rey’s hair as we review Jedi history that I am petulant about having to learn.

 

“Ben, we must understand history so that we can learn from it and not repeat its follies.”

 

“I understand that.I just don’t want to; it’s boring.”

 

Ozias gives me a confused and curious look before he turns back to his task.

 

“Your family is a part of history, though, Ben.”

 

“I know.Why do you think it’s boring to me?I have to hear these stories repeatedly every time I see my family.”

 

“Some people would think it a fortunate occurrence of the Force to be born into such a family.”

 

“Those people don’t know what it’s like; they’d change their minds if they did.”I grumble under my breath, though I know it’s loud enough for both of them to hear it.

 

“Ben is afflicted with an insecure and uncertain spirit.”Rey pipes in from where she sits on a step lower than Ozias’s.

 

_I hate this Force bond._

 

“You do not.”Rey turns her head as she addresses me, Ozias turning as well, obviously confused.“Anger and hatred lead to the dark side.You do not hate our bond, Ben.”

 

Shock surely must be written across my face because I feel it shaking me all the way to my core.Had my feelings really been projected so strongly?Or had she been trying to pry into my mind?Truthfully, I don’t know the entirety of her innate abilities that she’s employed before she came to the Academy so it could be either.

 

“You shouldn’t be prying into people’s minds, Scavenger Girl.”I try to sound very serious and authoritative, but I’m sure that my ten-year-old’s voice foils that plan.

 

“I wasn’t trying to!Your emotions were very strong, Ben.”Her eyes widen slightly, looking disappointed.“Do you hate me, Ben?”

 

Ozias and I exchange a worried look and I know that what I say next needs to be perfect or else I risk her trust in me shattering.Perhaps her confidence, too.For all of the times that she’s talked about people— specifically the other kids— not liking her, this is the first time I’ve heard her truly sound sad about the prospect.

 

“I don’t hate you, Scavenger Girl.You were correct: I don’t actually hate our Force bond and I would never hate you.”

 

A long silence weighs upon all of us for several seconds as Rey considers my words and inspects my face. I assume that she’s searching for any sign that I am being disingenuous, even though she could easily have read my emotions through our bond.She must be nervous about doing the latter given the circumstance.Finally it’s Ozias who breaks the silence.

 

“Ben, why don’t I teach you to braid her hair?I won’t always be able to do it so it would be good for you to learn, too.”I grimace at the thought for a moment; this seems like such a silly thing to learn but one look from Ozias tells me not to argue.“It’s not as hard as you think.”

 

“OK.”

 

I take his spot seated behind Rey and he begins directing my movements.Soon my fingers are clumsily moving through the motions; a haphazard braid growing in length.

 

“Why do you know how to braid hair, Ozias?”I ask as I try to keep track of my progress.

 

“In my family I am the middle and the only boy.I have several sisters so braiding hair was something my mother and older sisters taught me at a young age.It was helpful when I would help my younger sisters get ready in the morning.And of course it’s useful now.”Ozias smiles at Rey affectionately at the last statement.

 

“I think I’m done.”Ozias hands me a string to tie off the end as he appraises my work.

 

“Well, Ben, for your first time it isn’t terrible.”

 

There are several lumps of loose hair throughout it and overall it’s crooked.

 

“I know it’s bad, Ozias.You don’t have to make me feel better.”

 

“You just need practice.”

 

“Like with everything else, it seems,”I sigh.

 

“Speaking of which, back to Jedi history…”

 

I don’t stop my eye roll but I still listen as Ozias dives back in to our lesson from earlier.Rey crawls up the steps to sit next to me, leaning against my arm until I wrap it around her so we both can listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Leave a review and let me know your thoughts! Happy Holidays, everyone.


	3. Ozias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone, Hope your New Year has been happy thus far. Here's another chapter for you. The next few should be posted in pretty quick succession.

**OZIAS**

 

I always knew part of my responsibilities as a Jedi would include training young Apprentices.When I had first come to the Academy, Master Luke made it very clear that I would be expected to instruct classes to the younglings and then take on Apprentices once I became a full Knight.Even though I knew the expectations, it caught me off guard when he asked me to take on the primary responsibility of training both his nephew and Rey. 

 

Truly, I had asked to instruct her when we met her on Coruscant, not realizing the additional responsibility that would be required of me— such as instructing Ben.It would be impossible for me to not have wanted to ask to instruct her, though.For a child so small and young, both my Master and I were impressed and slightly confused by her incredible, natural grasp on the Force.Already she could wield it in ways that younglings twice her age still could not.When asked, she shied away from answering questions about her abilities, clearly nervous about our reasons.It took over an hour to ascertain the simplest of understanding that she had not been trained and her name.

 

Looking around the orphaned children’s home as we entered with her, understanding came to me why she would be so reluctant to give us information.The floor and walls were filthy, the space cramped and run down from years of neglect.Throughout the structure malnourished children appeared to be wasting away, practically hiding from attention as if we might at any moment strike out at them.Looking at Rey, she appeared unfazed by the sight before her; clearly this was normal.

 

The woman who ran the home was unpleasant and made comments about Rey and the other children that made it clear that she had incredible disdain for their very existence.I held my tongue and let Master Luke conduct the interaction with her, even when I felt the revulsion of him having to give her a sum of money to take Rey from the home.The very idea of this vile woman profiting off the misery of a child by ransoming her to people who would care for her and give her a better life sickened me to my core.It still does every time I think of it.

 

On the journey back to the Academy, Rey happily asked endless questions about the other children, what she would learn, and whether we would be her teachers.I couldn’t suppress the smile that came to my lips from her happy and curious chatter; so much of her reminded me of my sisters.Master Luke seemed equally charmed as he answered her with an affectionate tone and then suggested that she nap while we stopped to pick up other new students.

 

When we had found her, I could sense the strange flow of the Force around her that was different than her own general Force signature.It was as though someone else’s was mixed with it.Once she fell asleep I finally asked the question that weighed on my mind because of it.

 

“Master Luke, her Force signature has an added complexity to it; as though there is a second signature disturbing it.It doesn’t seem to be a disruption, however, but maybe more like a second signature that intermingles with hers.”

 

“You are correct, Apprentice.Rey has the unique reality of having a Force bond with another Force user.I believe she has had it since birth.”

 

“Do you know with whom?”

 

“Yes: Ben.I suspected it when Han described her to me; Ben told me a year ago about a dream he had in which a young girl appeared matching her description.Han told me that he felt a strange sense of familiarity with Rey immediately upon meeting her, which made me even more certain.Now, having met her and having sensed the Force bond flowing from her first hand, I know it to be true.”

 

“How did this happen?”

 

“I don’t know, honestly.The workings of the Force do not always make sense to even Jedi.I can sense that the two of them need each other; their bond will be crucial to them both, the development of their skills, and their destinies.”

 

“You believe them to be intertwined?”

 

“Of course; a Force bond would not have formed if one’s was not somehow connected to the other’s.”

 

Master Luke’s nephew has always made me nervous; below his boyish demeanor I’ve always sensed the tempestuous spirit that seems ripe for exploitation by the dark side of the Force.I’ve often wondered whether Master Luke could see this reality in his nephew due to his own familial attachment.Each time the doubt has surfaced in my mind I’ve found myself addled with guilt for it and recommitted myself to doing any and all things my Jedi Master bid as silent penance. 

 

Now, as I watch him practicing with Rey in the grassy courtyard outside the main hall of the Academy, much of my apprehension regarding him dissipates.It’s been almost a year since Rey first came to the Academy and even I have to admit that he has become an excellent teacher and companion for her.At first I worried, especially in the first few weeks when her adjustment proved so difficult and burdensome on them both and it seemed that Ben might snap at her at any moment.

 

He’s correcting her form now, making a light joke that makes her smile as he does it.My previous anxieties seem ridiculous when I am seeing such a scene.Even I have to admit that he’s changed since she arrived, and for the better.The responsibility of mentoring her has given him a new thoughtfulness I haven’t seen from him in the past, which may have been what Master Luke knew would happen.He’s still the brewing storm he has always been but a portion of its energy has been diverted with his attention to her.

 

“Ozias, tell Ben I’m not too young to use a light saber!”Her whine cuts through the previously peaceful environment of the courtyard.

 

They fight like siblings, often driving me to the brink of madness before they quickly switch and pull me back.Despite that, I admit that their combined presence does at least bring some light and levity to my days even if aggravation near always accompanies it as I know it will now when I have to respond to her plea.Mediating arguments is one of my less favorite tasks but I am often reminded that I there are much worse things.

 

“Unfortunately, Scavenger Girl, I believe I agree with Ben on this; you should wait a while yet before you wield a light saber.”Her pout answers me as she stomps away from Ben toward me.“I think that’s enough practice for now.Ben, if you want, you can go work on other forms or studying for a while.”

 

Without protest, he nods and wanders off, leaving me with a huffing Rey who practically throws herself on to the ground beside me.She’s not in the habit of pouting or throwing tantrums thus far in her time at the Academy, so her conduct seems suspect to me.Even though I would like to avoid this conversation for as long as possible— and preferably forever— I know I must confront whatever her issue is that is causing such an uncooperative spirit from her.

 

“What’s wrong, Scavenger Girl?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“I’ve found that lying is not really productive in a Jedi Master-student pair.”I sneak a look over at her darkened face.“Why don’t you just telling me what is bothering you?’

 

“Do you have dreams that feel real?”

 

“Of course; everyone does once in a while.”

 

“Do you ever have them while awake?”

 

What she just described makes me pause for a moment because it’s not common— or even really heard of— for a youngling to have Force visions.Nothing about Rey’s abilities have been typical of any other Force sensitive child, though, so nothing and everything is a surprise simultaneously.As her teacher, I am still learning that reality.

 

“I do.They’re called Force visions and they usually reveal things that will or might happen in the future, often.Many refer to this skill as Foresight.Having that skill is very special amongst the Jedi and is incredibly coveted; if you can cultivate it and learn to focus it, it will be invaluable to you and our work as Jedi.”I pause for a moment, considering how to proceed.“Did you see something that upset you?”

 

“They just don’t make sense; that’s all.”

 

“Force visions unsettle a lot of people when they first have them; we’re not used to seeing the future and sometimes it holds things we wish it didn’t.Not all Force visions are set in stone; some are just revelations of what might be if we make certain choices while others are more certain.”

 

“How do you tell the difference?”

 

“That’s an excellent question and it’s one that Master Luke is better equipped to handle as I do not have a high aptitude for foresight.Some Jedi have such a strong ability that they can sense the futures of other people, even.While I know that right now it must seem frightening to see these things and not know what they mean or if they’re certain to happen, remember that this is a gift of a talent that, like your other skills, must be focused and respected.”

 

“I know, Ozias.”

 

It occurs to me that being her teacher is now obviously destined to be much more complicated than I had even originally thought.I knew having such a gifted student— especially having two gifted students— would push the boundaries of my own abilities as a Jedi and a teacher, but the fact that she is so young and progressing so quickly makes it obvious that the years ahead will be full of fits and starts as she navigates her own burgeoning talents as well as the jealousy of other students.Ben already confided in me that he knew the other students harbored resentment toward her at least to some degree and I can only imagine it will worsen with time. 

 

“Why don’t we go see Master Luke then and talk to him about this more?He can help you understand it better and then it won’t seem as intimidating.”She nods at the idea silently, her gaze clearly far off, presumably in thought.“And you can always tell me of any of your visions so I can possibly help make sense of them or even just help you feel less anxious about them.”I pause, a suspicion growing in the back of my mind.“I won’t tell Ben what they’re about if you don’t want me to; everything about them can be between you and I.”

 

Her eyes snap to mine, a look of understanding that should belong to someone much older; not a girl of six.Part of me aches for the loss of her childhood at the hands of both her unfortunate orphaned circumstance and her own Force sensitivity that has left her in such intense isolation for so long.I'm struck anew not just by the injustice of it but also my own outrage and sadness toward it.

 

“That could be nice.Thank you, Ozias.”

 

I stand and wait for her to do the same before we begin our short trek to Master Luke’s office.It’s apparent that much still weighs on her mind, my offers of assistance and reassurance having not changed much of her concerns.In an effort to pull her from the burdensome thoughts plaguing her, I gently tug on her braid.

 

“As your teacher I will listen to anything you want to talk about; part of my role is to help guide you through your feelings so that you can learn to control them and grow in your mastery of the Force.”

  
“I know.”There’s a quick pause as she appears to consider something.“Ozias, do you think it’s possible for two people to have destinies that are linked?”

 

So my suspicions are correct, then.  


“Yes.You and Ben have a Force bond that has probably existed since the day you were born.Master Luke believes your lives and your destinies to be linked to each other’s, which is why your Force bond exists.Many people without Force bonds have intertwined destinies; yours are just more so.”

 

“So we’ll always be together.”

 

“I don’t know that you’ll always be in physical proximity to each other but certainly you will always be linked and your lives will be very much intertwined such that your decisions will affect each other just as your bond does.”

 

She seems to consider this very solemnly.

 

“Are you worried about your lives being so tied to each other?”I add the question quietly and a bit hesitantly.

 

“Sometimes.”

 

The word is spoken so quietly that I almost don’t hear it.So much of me wants to ask about this further but then the door to Master Luke’s office is before us.I reach for the door with a deep breath, steeling myself for the reality that this is going to become more complicated and potentially more worrisome before it becomes less.


	4. Ben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey! Here's another chapter for you since the last one was pretty short (I told you it would be posted quickly!). Let me know what you think in the comments.

**BEN**

 

It’s not often that parents are allowed to visit the Academy, but it’s allowed for certain occasions.Of course, the other students think I’m allowed to see my parents more often than the others, due to their occasional visits to the Academy on business with my Uncle.The other students don’t realize, however, that those visits do not include visiting me, so the misconception persists.The perceived favoritism grates on many of my peers and they’ve made it very apparent to me over the years.

 

Today, however, many parents stroll through the campus with their children as it’s a special milestone for many.This week myself and many other younglings advanced to being padawans, able to become the Apprentice of a Jedi Knight.That is another reason for me to have earned the ire of other students; I’m advancing a year early at the age of twelve— something that hasn’t happened before in the short history of the Academy.

 

Ozias had told me before my test that, truth be told, I should have become a padawan earlier due to my skill level but my Uncle had worried how it would be received by others, especially given our relation.Oddly enough, I don’t mind this fact because it hasn’t changed my training and in all practicality I’m already an Apprentice and have been since Ozias became my teacher two years ago.

 

None of this really matters because my parents will soon arrive…hopefully.My mother had promised that they would be here, but oftentimes with my parents promises are things that get broken.The fact that they’re supposed to come inspires happiness and trepidation: I want to see my parents but if they do come I am also uncertain what the visit will bring.Their lack of time for me has always sat poorly with me even when I was a very small child, and over the past seven years I’ve spent much of my time sulking and being angry at them for essentially passing me off to my Uncle.It seems cruel for parents to treat their only child like a commodity to be kept or unloaded if it becomes too much work or liability.I had always certainly been both.

 

But my outlook began to shift two years ago.With a responsibility and increased focus, suddenly being here didn’t seem as much of a punishment as it had before.I’ve spent my days with Ozias and Rey, learning from both and teaching the latter.I know it’s her that really accounts for my shift in attitude; the light perpetually shines from her in ways I didn’t think possible and her constant enthusiasm even for the simplest things quickly endeared her to me.Unabashedly, I am completely helpless against her.

 

It doesn’t mean she’s any less frustrating to me, however.There’s enough arguing to irritate Ozias on a regular basis.We find ourselves upset or annoyed by the other frequently; we’re both children and the five year age gap can be enough to exacerbate things.Additionally, I find it easy to agitate her and for some reason this delights me and I can’t resist the urge to do it just to watch her reaction. Our bond, however, always seems to keep us from being estranged for long— inevitably we both end up back to normal.Ozias often shakes his head and wonders aloud if we could just skip the fight since we all know how it ends.

 

“Ben?”Her voice pulls me from my thoughts as I’m sitting on the steps that lead to the courtyard.

 

“Yes, Scavenger Girl?”She makes a sour face at me but doesn’t protest that pet name.She hasn’t in a long time now.

 

“Do you think Han will remember me?”

 

She’s asked me this at least three times since the day before.I can’t account for her concern over this both because I’m positive my father remembers her and because I can’t figure out how that would impact anything.Once my parents meet her it won’t matter because they’ll undoubtedly absorb her into our small, very dysfunctional family.

 

“Yes, he will remember you.He already told me as much and I think he’s looking forward to seeing you.”

 

Her body relaxes visibly at my words and I can feel the tension and concern dissipate.I have to suppress my chuckle at the situation; it would only upset her and I’d rather not have that stewing while my parents are here.But really she’s become family to me over all this time and she knows it— she’s the little sister I should have had.

 

“Scavenger Girl, you’re practically a Solo already.If anything, I’m going to be jealous of them liking you more than they like me.Master Luke and I will probably have to convince them not to take you back with them.”

 

She laughs at that and I let myself join in, enjoying her sense of levity returning after too long of an absence.Then the sound of engines drowns out our laughter.We look up in time to see my father’s ship, the Millennium Falcon, flying by overhead.

 

“Looks like they’re here.”

 

My chest squeezes again with both relief that they actually kept their word and the same apprehension from earlier.Despite having soothed Rey’s worries, I can’t seem to rid myself of my own.

 

Shaking it off, I stand and begin making my way back into the main building of the Academy, where I know we’ll meet them.After a few steps I notice I’m missing a certain short brunette.I stop and turn to her, extending my hand out; she gladly takes it, skipping her way to me with her loose hair bouncing behind her.

 

“Ozias didn’t braid your hair today?” 

 

It’s not like it truly matters but the question keeps my thoughts focused elsewhere, rather than on wondering how my parents’ visit will go.It will also hopefully keep Rey from noticing my growing anxiety as we get closer to the main foyer of the building.

 

“I couldn’t find him this morning and I didn’t want to wake you up.”

 

“You didn’t ask one of the girls to do it?”

 

“No,” her brows furrow as she replies, “most of the girls don’t like me much.”There’s no hint of hurt or bitterness in the words; just acceptance like when she told me something similar her first day.

 

“Why, in all of the galaxy, don’t they like you?”Even as I ask the question I’m sure I know the answer: it’s the same reason why I find myself watching the kids in Rey’s classes for signs of trouble.

 

“They think that Master Luke favors me because you and Ozias have to teach me.They’re scared when we spar.They say I’m only good because I get extra help and that otherwise I wouldn’t win a single match.”

 

It’s a bit worse than I had thought but not surprising.

 

“That’s not very respectful of them.Didn’t you say you’d tell me if someone was disrespectful to you?”

 

“They don’t say it to me, Ben.They say it to each other but I always hear it.”

 

I frown at those words.It seems awfully convenient that Rey would overhear that unless they purposefully made sure she did.When did kids get so mean?

 

“Regardless, that’s not the way a Jedi is supposed to act so next time you hear them say those things, you tell me, OK?”

 

I can almost hear her eye roll.

 

“OK, but you punishing them won’t help.I told you before that I’m used to this; other people have always been scared or angry with me once they knew about my Force abilities.”She brightens then, a mischievous grin spreading across her face.“Besides, I think they’re just mad because you’re my teacher and they like you.”

 

She squeals with laughter at my annoyed look.

 

“Kriff, let’s hope not.The last thing I need is a pack of seven-year-olds following me.”

 

Her laughter at my displeasure intensifies so I shoot a hand out to tickle her as payback but she jumps beyond my reach and takes off running down the hallway.I race after her, letting her maintain a slight lead until we reach the foyer and she stops.I’m on her as soon as she does, a merciless onslaught of tickles plaguing her until she shrieks with promises of being good if I’ll stop.

 

She slips her hand back into mine and ducks under my arm to twirl around.That’s my queue to keep twirling her with one hand as we wait.I can never figure out how she doesn’t get sickly dizzy from it.

 

As she spins I have her start reciting facts she’s learned in our Galactic history lessons to pass the time.Some of them are difficult to understand through her laughter, but I let it slide and assume they’re correct.Rey is nothing if not a diligent student.

 

I can hear heavy footsteps along with scuffling and the softer footfalls of others along the path out front.It seems that they’re here.Rey stills next to me and I decide I might as well open the door and greet them.We both step over the threshold back into the morning sunshine to see my father, mother, Uncle Luke, and Chewbacca walking toward us.My father’s face breaks out in a grin when he looks first at me and then settles his gaze on Rey.

 

“Han!”It comes out as an excited squeal as she drops my hand to race toward my father, only stopping to jump into his outstretched arms as he crouches on the ground.

 

He stands up, still holding her balanced on his hip with one arm wrapped around her as support.I notice with a hint of amusement that he’s hugging her to him a little tighter than necessary.Clearly their short meeting years ago is one he remembers with affection.

 

“Hey kid, good to see you, too.”He laughs, the rest of us smiling at the happy reunion.“You trick anyone out of their wallet lately?”

 

“No, I don’t do that anymore, Han.”

 

“What?”He mocks surprise at her statement.“You closing up shop on me?”

 

Her eyes roll emphatically at his joke.“I don’t need to do that anymore.I’m learning how to be a Jedi now.”

 

“Ah, so they’re not teaching you any of the fun things.”

 

I tune out of their conversation momentarily as I reach my mother, who wraps me in a warm hug.Something about this action makes me feel like a five-year-old again and I wonder if that will ever change.Silently I hope it won’t as I feel my anxiety and irritation with them fade away.Chewie ruffles my hair while we’re still embracing, eliciting a chuckle from us both.

 

“We’ve missed you.”It’s a whisper against my hair as she still holds tight to me.Honestly, the words are exactly what I need to hear, relaxing the muscles that had been housing so much tension before.It’s amazing to me how even with all of the years of absence my mother’s words still act as a salve on my old wounds.

 

“I missed you too.”I only allow it to be a whisper back to her, worrying that otherwise my voice will betray my emotions to everyone.

 

When I pull out of her embrace my father extends his free arm to me and I let him wrap it around my shoulders and tuck me into his side.I feel a quick kiss to the top of my head and have to suppress my surprise— I assumed my father would think me too old for such displays of affection.I welcome the novel gesture.

 

“Hey kid, how are you?”He tugs on my newly earned padawan braid playfully.

 

“I’m alright.Got through my test.”

 

“He’s being modest: he did better than anyone else.Master Luke said so.”I can feel my cheeks heat at the embarrassment of Rey outing that bit of information.

 

“Ben, that’s great.”My mother’s eyes shine with pride as she says it.For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m not a disappointment to them.“Why didn’t you tell us?”Her voice holds a tinge of sadness in her question.

 

Well, that didn’t last long.Irritation begins to build within me, looking for a release of some sort.It seems unfair that even when I do something right it of course has to be wrong somehow.

 

“It was a secret; he wanted it to be a surprise— he told me.”Rey chimes in much to my own surprise.I hadn’t told her any such thing.I look up at her, wondering what she’s doing.“Oh no, I ruined it.”She frowns down at me, her face contrite.“I’m sorry, Ben.”

 

Across our bond I feel the brush of warmth from her, wrapping around me to soothe my feelings from a moment ago.It makes me finally realize why she’s lying.I hope she can sense how thankful I feel for it.

 

“It’s OK, Scavenger Girl.”I smile up at her, relief flooding me.

 

“See, sweetheart, everything’s fine.”My father winks at me as he either believes he’s mollifying her or has seen through our rouse.With a father like Han Solo, it could very well be either.“So is this guy treating you OK?”He directs the question to Rey and ruffles my hair, indicating he’s talking about me.

 

“Yes.He’s teaching me how to use a lightsaber against a remote.”She announces proudly.I wince a little; that _was_ a secret.

 

“Oh he is, is he?”My father quirks an eyebrow at me in amusement— he knows I’m probably not supposed to be having a young child practice such things.I myself didn’t go near a remote until I was older than her and that was even considered young.

 

“Only a practice saber— not a real one— and the remote on the lowest setting.Her precognition is impeccable.”My hands feel clammy with anxiety as I ramble my explanation, hoping I’m not accidentally earning myself more of a rebuke from my Uncle.

 

“Much of Rey’s training has been left up to Ben and Ozias.Ben has become an excellent teacher and is increasingly taking responsibility for her training as he grows.”My Uncle adds, mercifully.

 

I wonder if later Uncle Luke will scold me but the amusement in his eyes makes me think not.He might say something to Ozias or caution me but I don’t imagine it will be anything more harsh.If it was going to be, I’d already know by his reaction.

 

My father chooses this time to change the subject, which couldn’t come sooner.  


“Rey, I want you to meet Leia.”My mother moves to stand in front of them as she says hello to Rey warmly.“She’s Ben’s mom.”

 

“Hello.”Rey looks between my mother, father, and I a few times as if trying to puzzle something out before she shrugs and settles her eyes back on my mother.“You’re very pretty.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Ben told me you saved Han from dying in carbonite by pretending to be a bounty hunter!”

 

That’s not quite what I told her but we all laugh at her innocent mangling of the story.

 

“He was frozen in carbonite, yes.And I did pretend to be a bounty hunter to get in to free him.It became…complicated after that.”

 

Rey squirms in my father’s grasp until he sets her back on her feet.She’s promptly forgotten her preoccupation with him and is now zeroed in on the person I knew would become her next personal hero.Still dazed by my mother’s presence, Rey slips her small hand into my mother’s and they begin lazily walking toward the school building, the rest of us following and only somewhat forgotten.

 

“Did you carry a blaster?”

 

“Yes.”  
  
“Did you use it on anyone?”

 

“Yes but only if I had to.”

 

“Were you scared?”  


“A little, of course.”  


“I don’t believe you were scared at all— Ben says you’re the bravest.And that you stand up to people all the time.”

 

My mother glances back at that, shooting me a small smile.I can feel my ears redden beneath my hair.

 

“As a Senator it’s my job to stand up for the people I represent.”  
  
“I know.”True, Rey does know a good deal about intergalactic politics, surprisingly.She seems to cobble most of it together from overheard conversations and reports between Jedi and Uncle Luke.“What was it like killing Jabba the Hutt?”

 

I should have warned them that Rey has a one track mind when she gets going.If she is interested in something there is no avoiding it until she knows everything there is to know about it.If she believes you know more than you’re telling her she won’t rest until she has every last morsel of information from you.Her mind seems to thrive on it.For her part, my mother doesn’t seem to mind as Rey continues her line of questioning about how they all escaped from Jabba’s palace; Rey convinced the entire time that no matter what anyone says, my mother had single-handedly saved them all.

 

“So you did the best out of anyone, eh?”My father slings his arm over my shoulders once again as we walk.

 

“Yes, I guess.The ranking doesn’t mean much except that Jedi Knights know about it and take it into consideration when selecting an Apprentice.”  


“That seems like a pretty big deal, then.Isn’t being an Apprentice important or something?”

 

It’s frustrating that after all this time he still hasn’t bothered to learn any of this.Even though I’ve told him so many times he still is clueless.I try to ignore that, though.

 

“It is, but I already know I’ll be Ozias’s Apprentice.I pretty much already have been since Rey came.Uncle Luke assigned me when he asked Ozias and I to teach her.”

 

“Are you happy about that?”

 

“Of course.Ozias is the best Apprentice in the Academy and will be one of the best Jedi Knights under Uncle Luke when he completes his Jedi trials soon.Every other padawan would do anything to be his apprentice.”

 

“Good.”He glances around us and I notice that we’ve fallen behind the rest of the group.We both stop and face each other, my father’s eyes are looking down at his hands as if inspecting them.“Luke told us how well you’ve been doing these past couple of years, Ben.Said you’ve taken on a lot of responsibility and helping a lot of the younger students; not just Rey.”He looks up at me, our eyes locking as he sets a hand gently on my shoulder, squeezing it.“You’ve done a great job, kid.I don’t really get a lot of the Jedi stuff but I remember how bad things were for that little girl when I found her on Coruscant.”  


“I know.”  


“She told you about it?”

 

“No, Uncle Luke told me a bit and I saw a lot of the bruises and cuts when she first arrived.I’ve never asked her and I don’t plan to.”

 

A pained expression crosses his face and I’m reminded of his own childhood.He doesn’t talk about it much; just that he was orphaned and left to fend for himself.Rey’s situation probably reminds him of it.

 

“That’s probably for the best.No one needs to re-live things like that.”I’m not sure if he’s really talking about her, himself, or both of them, now.“But you’ve really taken her in.She seems happy and attached to you.”

 

“She’s like family to me; the sister I never had.”

 

I half-smile at the thought and notice my father and I are mirror reflections now.There’s no question what part of the family I got that from.

 

“Well, I’m proud of you, kid.Really.”

 

There’s not a time I can recall that I’ve heard those words from him; my father’s never been the one to talk like that.Usually it’s more of a guessing game.Now I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond, so I stumble through what first comes to mind.

 

“Thanks, Dad.”

 

My voice hitches at the end embarrassingly, my manufactured facade cracking slightly from this unexpectedly tender moment.While I struggle to remember how to rein in my emotions, my father folds me into a tight hug, my face burying into his chest.My tears are short lived, accompanied by a sniffle and a hiccup before I pull away.

 

“Love ya, kid.”The words come with his same half-grin that I return.

 

“Love you, too, Dad.”

 

A throat clears next to us and I turn to see Rey with a quirked eyebrow, her arms crossed on her chest.

 

“If you two nerfherders are done crying, we have things to get to.”

 

I let a mischievous grin cross my face.

 

“Oh, you’re going to pay for that, Scavenger Girl.”

 

With those words we both take off, her running from me shrieking and me hot on her heels until I finally catch her and tickle her until she complains she can’t breathe.

 

 

 

The day passes with giving my parents and Chewie a tour of the Academy and introducing them to some of the younglings who attend my class.Ozias joins us for evening meal and is sure to compliment my progress, much to my parents’ happiness.Otherwise the meal is filled with polite conversation, my parents inquiring about Ozias’s own tests that will be commencing and finishing soon.

 

After our meal we meander to Uncle Luke’s personal library that is joined to his study.It feels like a decadent treat since I’ve never entered it and, to my knowledge, no student is allowed within its walls.Yet we all are spread across the comfortable furnishings.My father and Uncle sit in chairs near each other while Ozias and Chewy inhabit a small couch opposite them.My mother sits on the couch against the adjacent wall, Rey curled into her lap much the way I used to before leaving for the Academy.Instead of joining my mother, I elect to sit on the floor in front of that couch, my head resting back against the end of a cushion.

 

“I’m still amazed the Ewoks didn’t eat you.”My mother is laughing as she adds to the story that my uncle and father are reliving.

 

“Yeah, we barely got out of the one, no thanks to you, _your worship_.”My father’s retort of course includes the name that he calls her when he’s trying to goad her.

 

“It’s such a shame they didn’t, moofmilker.”I’d cringe, worrying that an argument is about to start but the smiles they’re both wearing keep myself and everyone else at ease.

  
Rey giggles from my mother’s lap, her head leaning against her shoulder.Earlier in the day my mother had braided Rey’s hair and wrapped it up and around the crown of her head so it looks like a darkened replica of her own.Rey’s face had reddened with pleasure at looking like her newest hero and spent the rest of the day skipping next to my mother excitedly.Now, with them sitting together, Rey looks content.This is the closest to a family she’s ever experienced.I groan as I realize that Rey, mimicking her idol, will probably all week hurl at me the insult my mother just used.

 

“Great, now she’s going to be calling everyone moofmilkers non stop.Thanks, Mom.”

 

She at least gives me an apologetic look but Rey is quick to jump to her rescue.

 

“I’ve heard that word before, Ben.”

 

“Where?”

 

I hope she doesn’t say she’s heard it from me.That will end in multiple lectures from multiple people.

 

“Janile calls you that whenever you’re in a bad mood.”Ozias interrupts.

 

“What?”My voice raises embarrassingly high, surprised at what Ozias is saying.

 

Uncle Luke frowns.“He shouldn’t be using that language in front of students.”

 

I know what he’s thinking and it won’t help; it will actually make it much, much worse.

 

“Don’t talk to him about it, please.He’ll think you’re only saying something because I’m your nephew.”

 

He nods.“I’m going to talk to all of the instructors as a group about using respectful language at all times but especially near students— I know it’s not just Janile.”

 

I nod in return and the room falls silent.

 

“Master Luke, I’ve always wanted to ask you about the destruction of the first Death Star…” Ozias glances at me as he changes the conversation.

 

I’m relieved when the conversation shifts back to war stories.For once I’m glad my family is full of war heroes as usually it only weighs on me, knowing I’ll probably never live up to the legacy all of them have.But sometimes, when I just want to sit and listen to old stories, it’s enjoyable.I wonder if in other families this is how it feels to listen to relatives talk about important family events.Just in their cases it’s more about birthday and weddings; important milestones that lack the bloodshed and gore of my family’s.The sounds of their voices begin to lull me to drowsiness but I fight it, not wanting to sleep yet when there’s so little time I spend with them.Today was one of our few good days— I don’t want it to end.

 

I glance up to where my mother is and notice her starting to nod off, Rey fast asleep against her.My father’s eyes must have followed mine because he stands and walks over to the couch, crouching next to me so he’s facing my mother.He reaches a hand up and gently brushes it against her cheek.She stirs awake at his touch.

 

“Hey princess, I think it’s time for your fan club to get to bed.”

 

She smiles warmly and nods to him.He stands back up and reaches out, gently lifting Rey from my mother’s lap and settling her on his hip once more, her head leaning against his shoulder.Despite his attempt to not disturb her, she wakes, her eyes opening and blearily looking around the room.He starts to walk out of the room but stops when she makes a noise of protest.He looks back at me, confused and a bit helpless.I’d laugh if it wouldn’t make her reaction worse.

 

“She needs to say good night to everyone; she’ll be upset otherwise.”

 

He nods in understanding before setting her down and chuckling as she starts her round of good night’s with Chewie.Half of them come out as slightly incoherent mumbles around a yawn.She comes to me last and throws her arms around my neck, squeezing me to her, effectively choking me.

 

“Rey, I need air to live.”It comes out as gasps that bring a chuckle from the rest of the room.

 

She pulls back to look at me, a self-satisfied smile on her face. 

 

“Good night, Ben.”She proclaims it happily and smacks a kiss into the hair on the top of my head before scampering over to my father, who picks her back up.“Will you tell me a bedtime story like Ben does, Han?”

 

“Of course, sweetheart.Did he ever tell you the one about the Princess and the handsome Smuggler?”

 

“No.”  


“Well, it starts with a garbage chute…”

 

The voices become obscured by distance and the low laughs of the remaining group.Ozias takes the opportunity to stand, announcing it’s time for him to get to sleep as well.He bids everyone a goodnight and wishes my mother well.I stand when he steps over to where I am, unsure what to expect.When he places his hands on my shoulders I admit I’m a bit taken aback and look up at his bright blue eyes.

  
“You’ve done admirably, padawan.I look forward to having you as an Apprentice.”

 

“Thank you, teacher.”

 

I know there’s a touch of pink growing on my cheeks at the compliment.If Ozias notices, he doesn’t act like it.Instead he simply smiles, nods and then turns, leaving the room.

 

“Ben, come sit with me,” my mother calls from the couch.

 

I sit down next to her and she pulls me into her side, both of her arms wrapped around me, almost smothering me.

 

“Mom, I’m not a little kid anymore.”

 

“Indulge me.I’m your mother and I hardly ever see you.”

 

“Whose fault is that?”The bitterness is thicker than I thought it would be.I feel her flinch at the comment and instantly regret it.“I’m sorry.I didn’t mean that.”

 

“It’s OK.”She pulls me slightly closer and I lay my head back to rest on her shoulder.“I know you weren’t happy when we sent you here and for a long time after that.Are you really unhappy?”

 

I consider the question for several seconds.I hadn’t consciously thought about it in so long.Every day since Rey came has been so full of other things that I had set aside the deep unhappiness and anger at my parents over sending me here.They’re like long-term companions for whom I no longer have time.

 

“I was really unhappy for a long time; I thought you sent me here as some sort of punishment.But I don’t feel that way anymore.It finally feels like I belong here and can actually do this— I didn’t before but it’s different now.”

 

I can feel her eyes on me as I speak.I’m careful not to look at her, unsure what might happen or what I might see.Her hand comes up to my cheek, pulling my head so I am looking at her.

 

“We’re really proud of you, Ben.You’re doing so well and your Uncle tells us how responsible you’re being.He trusts you a lot, you know; he wouldn’t have asked you to mentor her if he didn’t.”

 

“I know.”  


“This was never meant to be a punishment, Ben.We thought you should be taught how to control and use your gift by someone who understands it better than we do.”

 

“I know, Mom.”

 

“We didn’t think that it might feel like you lost your family.We never meant for that.”  


“I know.I didn’t understand that for a long time— I thought this was the worst thing possible.But when Rey came to the Academy I realized how wrong I was; how lucky I am.I never hadto endure what she did; what Dad did.I was always so lonely but I was never really alone the way she was.”

 

“She’s not anymore, though.And you’re not.You’ve done really well, Ben.”

 

I smile, sinking into the feeling of warmth and safety here with her.It’s soothing as it always is.Happily, and without hesitation, I allow myself to finally sleep.

 

 

 

I wake in the middle of the night, I think, to the realization that somehow a blanket has been draped over my mother and I.On the other end of the couch my father is slumped, wedged in its corner.He’s sound asleep, frowning slightly.It’s odd to think of him being as gentle and warm as he has been today; I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t have been there.I shift to sink down under the blanket more, recognizing now how it appeared, and fall back to sleep.

 

 

 

I wake from a painful jab to the muscle between my shoulder and my chest.It’s quick, precise and repeated until I open my eyes to look upon my assailant. With her hair in two braids instead of one, Rey looks down at me with a broad grin.

 

“You’re awake!” 

 

“How could I not be with a good morning wake up like that?”

 

Her laughter is high but quiet.She glances to the other end of the couch where my father still sleeps and I recognize she’s trying to keep from waking him up.My mother is nowhere in sight and I assume she woke a while ago but it’s unclear what time it is.

 

“Someone had to wake you up.”

 

“Is it time for morning meal?”

 

“No, not for a couple more hours.”

 

Great, I’m just awake early.How thoughtful of her.I shift over on the couch, making space for her to sit next to me.I pat the cushion and she crawls up next to me as I drape my arm over her shoulders so she can curl against my side with her head leaning against my shoulder.

 

“Why are you up so early?”

 

I feel her shrug against me.The end of her braid catches my eye and I gently tug on it.

 

“Mom braid your hair?”

 

There’s just a nod from her.She’s being uncharacteristically quiet suddenly when just a moment ago she seemed so happy.

 

“Have you liked them visiting?”

 

Another nod.

 

“Are you going to speak at all?”

 

Now a shake of her head.

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

A shrug.Now I’m getting concerned. My mind rakes over the past few minutes and can’t find a reason for her silence.

 

“Are you sick?”

 

She shakes her head.This time there’s a sniffle after it.It causes me to sit up a bit straighter, now noticing the dampness on the shoulder of my shirt.I look down at her, hoping to catch her eye without any luck. 

 

“Hey, Scavenger Girl, what’s with the water works?”She shakes her head again.“You’re going to have to tell me at some point.”

 

It comes across our bond then, tentative and shaky: the loneliness, the longing, the abandonment, the feeling of being out-of-place.Underneath it all lies a dull ache years old that I know without a doubt she’s felt every night.She doesn’t have to say anything; it’s clear to me now.

 

“If you want it, you have a family.”

 

I keep my eyes trained on her, waiting.Finally I see hazel eyes flick up to mine under dark lashes.

 

“Really?”

 

“Of course.You’ll always belong with us, Scavenger Girl.”

 

Her small smile relaxes my mind before she wiggles closer to me and we both begin to drift back to sleep.Before I’m too far gone I hear my father stir and walk out of the room, stopping only to lay a quick kiss to the top of her head and ruffle my hair.


	5. Ben

BEN

“Oh, I see the problem! Ben, hand me the Harris wrench.”

Rey’s small hand reaches blindly in the direction of where I sit on the ground with a book, groping the air in search of the tool she requested. The majority of her appears to have been swallowed by the Falcon. She and my father have been working on it all afternoon and for an eleven-year-old, Rey’s a pretty smart mechanic. My father had instantly taken to teaching her ship mechanics and over the past four years they’ve spent every visit tinkering in the wires and gears of the old cargo ship for at least a few hours. 

I select a tool off the ground without taking my eyes from my book and hand it to her.

“Not this one, Ben!”

I look up to see her flailing the tool uselessly through the air, most likely waiting for me to take it back from her. She’s correct: it is the wrong one. It never ceases to surprise me, however, that she can figure that out so quickly and without even looking.

“Sorry.” I mumble the apology before taking the incorrect tool from her and exchanging it for the appropriate one. “This should be what you want.”

It smarts sometimes to think of how close she has become to my father. Before my parents had left after my padawan advancement, my father had promised they’d come back to visit and undoubtedly would come when Rey advanced to become a padawan. Their presence today means he kept his latter promise and their sporadic visits over the past five years fulfilled the other one. As much as part of me rears with jealously that my parents visit more now that Rey’s here, I can never find it in my heart to truly be upset about it. My family is her family, after all.

“How’s it going out here, kid?” My father walks down the ramp of the old, battered ship as he asks. It takes me a moment to realize that he’s addressing me instead of Rey.

“Fine; Rey is making sure that I don’t give her the wrong tools.”

I pull myself up from the ground so I’m standing at my full height, my book closed in my hand now. Nearing six feet tall at the age of sixteen, I tower over both of my parents as well as the other students, though my gangly limbs and perpetually bony appearance rob me of any chance of looking truly menacing. As I’ve grown, so have I let my hair until it covers my ears from view, thankfully— my padawan braid extending down longer than the rest. The result is that I perpetually look like a dark mop turned on its end.

“Not a bad idea from what I remember.” He smiles at my responding eye roll before he reaches toward the cavern that Rey has practically crawled into to tap her on the shoulder. “Hey kid, how’s it looking?”

She pulls the top half of her body out of the ship and turns to look at both of us. Her face has grease on it where she obviously must have rubbed at her skin without realizing how dirty her hands are. My father and I both try and fail to stifle a laugh at it before he finally offers her a handkerchief to wipe it off.  
 “You got a little too close in there, kid.”

Rey snatches the small cloth from his hand with a bit of a huff. Embarrassment comes through our bond at her own lack of realization, which seems unwarranted since it’s only my father and I present. Insecurity has never been an affliction of hers and I worry that for some reason she is dancing very close to it suddenly.

“Thanks,” she mumbles after cleaning her face sufficiently and handing it back to him. He offers her his usual half smile before stuffing the cloth back in his pocket.

“Ben here didn’t keep you from finding the problem, did he?”

“No; it’s all fixed. Whoever worked on this last did a real number on it, though.”

“Yeah, that’s the last time I trust that guy. You know he tried to convince me to put a compressor on the ignition line?”

“What a moofmilker! That would put too much strain on the hyperdrive.”

“That’s exactly what I said! Some people just don’t know how to handle a ship like this.”

My mother approaches us just then, a smile playing on her lips as she takes in the three of us and the ship before her. Having styled Rey’s hair earlier that morning, her hair is in the same braided style as Rey’s, save for Rey’s newly-earned padawan braid— the reason that my parents are visiting today.

“There are many things you aren’t able to handle in this galaxy, flyboy.”

“Flyboy? Princess, I’m crushed.” My father clutches at his chest in feigned pain as he tosses a glance toward Rey. “You see how she treats me after all these years?”

“No dice, Han.” Rey flicks an incredulous look up at my father as she dusts off her clothes. “Leia has a point; you did let that moofmilker work on the Falcon, which shows some questionable judgment on your part.”

“She has you there,” my mother shrugs at my father as she interjects.

“Alright, you’re all traitors.” His eyes fall on me then and he smirks. “Ben, let’s get out of here before you turn on me, too. I’m sure Luke needs help with…something.” My mother snickers.

“Sure.” I look over at Rey, “you and Mom will be fine, right?” She rolls her eyes at me from where she’s leaning against the Falcon.

“We’ll survive without you somehow.”

She leans forward as if to leave but stops short, her braid caught on the Falcon. Automatically I step over and quickly untangle her from the offending piece of machinery.

“You may survive but possibly without hair, Scavenger Girl.”

Her eyes widen at me— I don’t know why. Nervous and confused, I glance over at my father for help but he only shrugs in response. I’m on my own with whatever is happening. Mercifully, my mother comes to my rescue.

“Rey, you were going to show me the newest forms you’ve learned.” She extends a hand in Rey’s direction expectantly.

“Right.” 

Rey pulls both her regular braid and her padawan braid over her shoulder and steps over to take my mother’s hand. They begin walking toward the main building, promptly lost in their own conversation. Once they’re out of earshot, my father moves so he’s standing next to me and we exchange equally confused looks.

“What do you think that was about?”

“Beats me, kid.’

He slaps an arm around me to pull me forward with him as he walks around the ship. While we slowly amber, he pauses to close panels here, adjust something there. This feels like something he would more likely do with Rey. Suddenly I feel woefully out of place and more than somewhat inadequate.

“How have things been with you lately? It’s been a while since we talked.”

He’s right; it’s probably been two months. I had been nervous they wouldn’t make it— that he wouldn’t make it— out for Rey’s padawan advancement. It wasn’t until I finally talked with my mother that I could feel my anxiety recede. It would have broken Rey’s heart if they had forgotten and I know they would have felt guilty for years afterward.

“It’s been busy. Rey, even though she’s been at least at the level of a new padawan for years, has insisted on training day and night for her test. It’s been a bit overboard seeing as she’s already in the class of padawans who haven’t been selected as Apprentices and can best many of them. But it made her feel more confident so I didn’t mind doing it.”

“Sounds like you’ve been a good teacher since she’s doing so well.”

“She’s naturally talented, though; you know that. I can’t take much credit. Beside, Master Ozias is her main teacher. I just help.”   
“She is naturally talented, that’s for sure, but she still needs guidance and a family and that’s been you, kid.”   
“Yeah, I guess.” I can feel heat creeping up my neck at my father’s implied compliment. “I’ve never seen anyone be able to do what she can, even when she was untrained. I don’t think anyone has— not even Uncle Luke. Why, I bet if Grandfather were still alive, he’d want to challenge Master Ozias so that he might be her Jedi Master instead.”

I smile fondly at the idea— even if her skills eventually surpass my own I still feel some sort of pride in her work. My thoughts come to a screeching halt, though, when I look up to see my father’s baffling expression: something between concern and confusion. After a moment he seems to shake it from himself before giving me a half-smile.

“Well, with both you and Ozias I’m sure she’s in even more capable hands.” He pauses before changing subjects. “What about other things in your life? Are there any girls I haven’t heard about?”

“What?” My voice sounds unnaturally high; how embarrassing.

“Or boys? It doesn’t matter to me, kid— just as long as you’re happy.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m just saying that Luke doesn’t hold to the old Jedi rules about relationships. You’re young— you can have some fun. It doesn’t all have to be meditation and levitating things.” We stop walking and turn to face each other.

“I don’t have time for girls, Dad. I train Rey, teach my class, train with Ozias while Rey teaches her class, then train Rey in the evening and sleep. There’s eating in there, too.”

“Well, you should think about finding some time. Your mom would like grandchildren eventually.”

I roll my eyes at his suggestion. “OK, Dad.” I look at him as we walk. “And how do you propose I explain to this hypothetical partner that there’s an eleven-year-old girl always with me whose emotions I can sense at any given time?” I watch his slight wince at my words—I can tell even he knows that won’t go over well with anyone. “Oh, yeah, and she can sense mine.”

“Look, I didn’t say it would be easy. Aren’t Jedi used to that type of stuff, though? Isn’t it normal?”

“Dad, nothing about my bond with Rey is normal— even for Jedi. It’s normal to sense another Force sensitive person. It’s normal for a Master and Apprentice to have a bond with a heightened sense of each other and sometimes the ability to communicate telepathically. It is not normal for two Jedi to be constantly in each other’s minds, to share dreams, or have constant knowledge of the other the way we do. Master Luke even thinks that eventually we’ll feel each other’s pain like it’s our own. There’s nothing normal about this.”

“Hey, I’m sorry, kid. I just want to make sure you’re not pushing yourself so much that you miss out on your own life, you know?”

I give him a weak smile, hoping that it makes him relax. I truly do believe my father means well in all of this but his lack of understanding in this situation sits as a crater between us. How can I explain to someone what it’s like to have another person’s feelings and life playing out in your mind? Or how it feels to know that much of your life has been destined since some little orphan girl was born, just because you managed to be selected by the Force to be bound to her? I can’t, especially not to someone who hasn’t experienced anything remotely close to Force sensitivity.

“It’s OK— I’m not. Ozias bears most of the load and will until I become a Knight and take over Rey’s training. By then she’ll be so advanced that she’ll probably be practically ready for her own Jedi trials.”

“As long as you don’t feel like it’s too much.”

“She’s like the sister I never had. It couldn’t be too much.” There’s nothing left in this line of conversation other than more awkwardness, so I change topics. “Dad, can I ask you something I’ve always wondered?”

“Sure, kid, what is it?”

“When Rey first came to the Academy, Ozias told me that kids like her had to avoid being caught be Stormtroopers—“

“Yeah, you have to be a fast runner to escape them, too.” My father’s eyes gloss over slightly as he falls silent, clearly thinking back on his own experiences. “A kid like Rey learns really quick to be invisible when necessary. It’s easier than escaping from those guys.”

“I can only imagine.” I feel awkward now asking my question, knowing how close to home this hits for him and not just because he regards Rey as the daughter he should have had. But I feel even more awkward about where the conversation will go otherwise. “I just don’t understand why there would be Stormtroopers on Coruscant to begin with— the Empire fell years before that. What were they doing on a core world?”

“For some, the Empire never really went away. The battle on Jakku was the end of them militarily on a large scale, forcing them to sign the accords that followed. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t still groups that want to revive it. They tend to prey mostly in poor places, where they do things like force children like Rey into work camps by having Stormtroopers abduct them. The number of those groups is getting smaller and they’ve pushed out toward the outer rim but back then they were still in places like Coruscant.”

“I never knew that.”

“It wasn’t something that your Mom and I really thought you should see. It’s always been more important for you to be here, learning from your Uncle.”

“Why doesn’t the Senate do anything about it, though?”

“They are; these things are just delicate.”

“It doesn’t seem like it should be that complicated.”

“I know, but for some reason it is. Politics is funny like that.”

-*-*-*-

 

“Promise you’ll come visit again soon?” Rey’s standing with my mother, still hugging her as though she isn’t going to let her board the ship.

“Of course, Rey.” My mother smiles over at me as she pats Rey’s back; as much as she tries to hide it, I can tell that she revels in Rey’s constant and awestruck fascination with her. As much as my father and Rey can spend a day lost in ship gears to their hearts’ content, my mother will still always be the one that Rey idolizes above all others.

Once my mother has extracted herself from Rey’s grip, she approaches me. Her face wears a look of weariness and sadness. Every time they come to visit she looks at me this way and I am reminded how taxing her role in the Senate must be, though it still chafes on me at times that she spends more time paying attention to her colleagues than her only child.

“I’ll miss you, Ben.” She reaches up to cup my chin between her hands the way she used to when I was a small child; the difference is now she has to look up at me when she does it. “You’re doing such a great job here, really. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, mother.” I half mumble to her before she moves to hug me, my heavy brown cloak flapping against us in the wind as she does so.

“Take care of yourself, OK? We’ll let you know when we land.”

I close my eyes for a moment, thinking of how different this all feels. In comparison to her slight frame I feel like a giant. Has my mother always been this small or have I really grown that much since last time? Have I just never noticed her diminutive stature and how frail she is or could that be new? Part of me still feels like a little boy and doesn’t want to let go of that; another part of me feels older than my sixteen years and wishes to already be done with my training so I can be out in the galaxy, the way a Jedi Knight should be. Within me I can feel the conflict between these two realities of myself and wonder if I’ll always be so torn apart like this.

“I’ll be fine, Mom. You don’t need to worry.”

She pulls away, nodding at me quickly as she trades places with my father.

“Remember my advice— it’s OK to take some time for other things.”

“I will but you know I won’t follow it; training is more important. I’m not sure what I’d do if I didn’t spend almost every waking moment on it.”

He frowns at me before patting me on the shoulder a couple times and turning to board the ship. I walk over and stand between Rey and my Uncle to wave at the Falcon as it disappears from view. Without a word my Uncle turns and regards Rey and I with a nod before walking back to the main building, presumably to his study, leaving Rey and I standing by the landing pad together.

I sneak a glance over at the short brunette but her eyes stay set forward and her arms crossed against her chest as if she doesn’t even know I’m there. Our bond is oddly quiet as I reach over and tug gently on her padawan braid. I’m not sure when in the past six years it became a habit of mine to tug on her hair to get her attention, but I find myself doing it on a regular basis. Usually it’s met with a laugh or an admonishment not to bother her. This time it is met with silence so I try again, tugging the same slender braid my fingers had quickly woven just the other day when she passed her test.

“Hey, Scavenger Girl, what gives?”

Finally she turns and acknowledges me, even raising her gaze to meet mine. “What?” She’s not defensive or angry; just genuinely confused.

“You’ve been acting strangely since yesterday. What’s going on?”

Her gaze shifts from mine then, seeming suddenly interested in something off in the distance again. Our bond wreaks of hesitancy and defensiveness. “It’s nothing; I’m just overwhelmed at the idea of being a Jedi’s Apprentice. It’s a significant step and I’m only eleven— not even as old as the other new padawans.”

It’s true: she’s the youngest student to become a padawan. As much as my advancement to padawan at the age of twelve drew the loathsome gazes and irritated murmurs from other students, her advancement at the young age of eleven is even more significant and has already caused a considerable backlash from others. It hasn’t helped that more than a year before her test she had joined the class I teach, which is otherwise attended only by padawans who have not yet been selected as a Jedi Knight’s Apprentice.

Rey as a youngling has had more skill than some students who are my peers at the Academy; a reality that the other students silently know but don’t want to acknowledge out loud unless it’s in the form of a snide remark toward her. She could have officially become a padawan and an Apprentice much earlier than this year but Ozias and my Uncle decided that it would be unwise given the other students’ already hostile treatment of her. So instead, Ozias and I have been training her as we would if she already had passed her test and earned her braid. 

“You’ve been working at the level of an Apprentice for a while now, though; there’s certainly nothing for you to worry about. Even when you do struggle, you’ll always have Ozias and I to help you through it.”

“I know.”

“So what’s wrong? You’ve seemed off since I had to save you from losing your hair to the Falcon yesterday.”

“It’s nothing to worry about, Ben.”

“Are you sure?”

She rolls her eyes at me as she responds. “I’m sure. There’s nothing to worry about, Ben.” She turns and smiles at me before heading back inside.

I can feel the lie in her words. Every time she tries to lie to me it hurts just slightly. The hardest part is that since she knows we can’t successfully lie to each other, it means that she’s choosing twice to do it.  
 Shaking off the feeling of being slightly wounded, I sigh and turn toward the old stone building behind me.


	6. Ozias

**OZIAS**

 

 

Two Apprentices would be challenging for any Jedi.Having two who are headstrong, highly talented, and bonded in a way no one in recent years has witnessed, increases the difficulty of it.The fact that one is thirteen and the other is eighteen certainly isn’t helping— in fact, right now it adds to the reasons I am ruing the day I asked to teach Rey.

 

“Can the two of you please stop bickering?”

 

That phrase has become my most frequently spoken as of late.Their cycle is consistent: Ben does something thoughtless or needlessly overprotective, Rey becomes upset and confronts him, Ben is confused and _says_ something thoughtless, which always makes everything worse.Eventually, after her temper flares, the two either end up yelling at each other until their spirits are weary and their voices hoarse or they try to ignore each other.Ignoring each other only lasts a short time— less than a day— before neither one can stand it and they return to normal, so it’s my preferred route to reconciliation.It’s also the more quiet one.

 

Unfortunately, they have chosen this time to yell at each other.It’s already been the better part of an hour since their face off began but they show no sign of relenting yet.My tolerance for this, however, has waned.

 

“That’s enough, Apprentices.”Both stop and look at me this time.

 

“My apologies, Master.”Ben offers it quickly, along with a bow.

 

“I don’t need your apologies, Apprentice; I need you to control your temper.”I can hear Rey snicker at the words I so often say to him, so I cast my gaze to her, effectively silencing her.“Both of you need to control your feelings.Every time you let your anger and fear control you, you leave yourselves vulnerable to the dark side’s seduction.This is not the Jedi way.I’ve indulged you far too much in this and it must end.”

 

“Yes, Master.I will do better in the future.”Rey supplies the response this time, mimicking Ben when she offers a bow as well.

 

Ben offers similar promises— ones I know neither of them will keep— before I dismiss them both and he leaves.Rey, however, remains in the same spot.I don’t need her to say anything to know why she’s stayed behind.

 

“My younger padawan, you need to learn to keep control of your feelings.”

 

“Ben’s the one who was angriest.”

 

“I was referring to your fear.”

 

She looks away from me then.“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Yes you do.Do not lie to me, Apprentice.”

 

Since Rey was a small youngling she’s had visions, many of which we’ve found over the years to be quite accurate.Several of these visions revolve around her future and particularly her future with Ben. For years this has been a source of conflict for her as she’s come to realize some of the implications of that and has dealt with the idea that she already knows her future.

 

In the past year I’ve noticed how Rey’s affections for Ben have changed and thus have their arguments.Once their arguments revolved solely around training and what she could or could not do yet, but now their center is Ben’s tendency to say exactly the wrong thing.Having all the answers to how your life works out is a difficult weight to carry at the young age of thirteen because it makes the journey there feel less authentic.Thus, Rey battles herself every day, oscillating between her affections for him and frustration and fear over not having another option.It’s not that she wants one; it’s that it feels like her affections and any possible reciprocation are forced.

 

“Are you afraid of losing Ben?”I know she isn’t but I ask anyway, hoping it will help her finally voice her thoughts.

 

“No— my visions still show us together.”

 

“Then what is it?”

 

She stops and looks around before turning to me.Her need for secrecy amuses me since we’re at the edge of campus, near a path that leads to a meadow, where barely anyone ever ventures.Regardless of our solitude, she still finds it necessary to continue in a whisper.

 

“He doesn’t have a choice in any of this and neither do I.Honestly, how are we supposed to spend the rest of our lives stuck in each others’ heads?I can’t even begin to imagine how we’ll deal being a part of each others’ day-to-day existence, especially when he insists on being such a laserbrain.”

 

“Don’t despair too much.You’re both young, Rey, with many years yet to learn about yourselves and your lives.While your Force abilities are advanced, there’s much about the galaxy for you to study yet.Be patient with him and with yourself; you’ll both grow and change in time.He might not always be a laserbrain.”

 

“That’s doubtful.”She crosses her arms with a frown.“Sometimes I feel like I should tell Ben— I feel guilty keeping this from him when it’s about his life, too.”

 

While Rey has told Ben of some of her visions, she’s always refused to reveal the ones about their mutual future.I know it hurts him that he can tell there are things she withholds from him, since they share practically everything with each other.There’s a part of him I’ve felt that covets that morsel of information since it is the one thing missing from his complete knowledge of her.

 

“Which do you think you should tell him about: your visions or your feelings for him?”

 

“Either. Both. Does it matter?”  


“Yes, it does. You’re both young and even you have voiced that Ben’s handling some situations is…lacking.Give yourselves time to feel more confident in yourselves and each other before anything else.”

 

“Thank you, Master.I see the wisdom in your guidance.”

 

 

-*-*-*-*

 

That night after evening meal is when I find my older Apprentice in the practice room.Any other night I would have seen him at dinner but he was absent this night.Perhaps with this argument they’re trying to confront _and_ ignore each other.

 

“As happy as I am to see your dedication to training, we missed you at evening meal, Apprentice.”

 

He stops then, waving a hand to halt the remotes before powering down his lightsaber.

 

“I wasn’t hungry and wanted to make up for what I missed today because of my…disagreement with Rey.”  


“Of course, though I’m sure the added bonus of avoiding her this evening was enticing as well.”

 

He sounds a loud sigh as though he’s deflating while he sinks down to sit on the bench and then looks up at me.“Even when I’m not around her I still get the full effect of her feelings toward me and everything else, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?”

 

“No, I suppose not.”  


I take a seat beside him, raising my hand to pull a practice remote into it to inspect while I think.Before I get very far, Ben speaks.

 

“Master Ozias, have you ever been in love?”

 

_What in all of the stars?_

 

“I—are you in love, Ben?”

 

“What?No, that’s not—“

 

“Because it’s fine if you are; Jedi are allowed attachments now.”

 

“Master Ozias, you know where I am practically every minute of the day.How would you not know already if I actually _was_ in love with someone?”

 

I merely offer a shrug as I respond.“It’s not impossible.Besides, why else would you be asking me that question?”

 

“I— no, I’m not in love.The only—“ he stops and takes a deep breath before continuing.“My father told me some time ago that I should take time for other things— particularly romance— but that seems so at odds with my life.”

 

“How so?”

 

He stops for a moment, clearly searching for words.“My priorities are my training and Rey’s.There isn’t time for much else, especially romance.”

 

“Of course there is.You just currently don’t use that time for other things, specifically romance, but you could be.”

 

“And did you when you were an Apprentice?”

 

“Yes, I did.”The words sound more forceful than I intended, catching us both by surprise, so I pause and try again more gently this time.“You asked me a few moments ago if I had ever been in love.The answer is yes, I have.”

 

“I…I didn't know that.”He stares down at his feet.Even at eighteen he still reminds me of the shy ten-year-old boy who struggled to make friends.“Who was she?”

 

“She was another Apprentice a couple years older than myself.We both came to the Academy around the same time.I still can’t figure out why she ever gave me the time, but she did, and did I ever revel in it.Everything about her was exquisite; a masterpiece of a person.And she loved me.There wasn't a day which passed without me knowing exactly my great fortune that she chose me out of everyone in the galaxy.

 

“When I was nineteen and she was twenty-two, she went on an expedition with Master Luke and didn’t return.”  


“What?”His words cut through the air between us, as incredulous as I was when my Master came to share the news with me on that dark day.“How?”

 

I must find my center in order to continue so I close my eyes and focus on my breathing as I speak.“There was an assassin who had been sent after her.Her father had done business with some…unsavory people and he had apparently upset them-- they killed her as a way to show their displeasure with him. 

 

“Master Luke didn't have any idea of this plot until it was too late.If he had, he would never have allowed her to come with them.He berated himself for months over it as he watched me grieve for her.At first I was tempted to hate Master Luke and blame him for her death but ultimately I knew that to be foolishness.It was the ugliness of the dark side of the Force in me that made that path tempting but I knew that it would only lead to more misery.So I continued in my training as I know she would have wanted.”

 

“I”m so sorry, Master.I didn’t realize—“

 

“It’s no matter, Ben.It was years ago.I do still miss her— some days especially more.”I take another deep breath and allow myself an extended time to release it, feeling my muscles release with it.“So yes, I’ve been in love. I don’t regret a moment of it, either, even if it did hurt in the end.

 

“So tell me what’s really holding you back.”

 

“I just can’t imagine it.How would I explain to anyone my bond with Rey?Or explain that I’ll probably always spend the vast majority of my time with her?Stars, how would I explain to Rey about my relationship?”

 

“I don't think you need to worry about that until you actually meet someone you’d want to explain those things to.”  
  
His brows knit together pensively.“You’re right: I shouldn’t worry about this.I’m going to continue to focus on what I have been.”

 

“What brought this up anyway, Ben?”

 

“Nothing, really.I was just thinking about my fight with Rey and realized that I can’t imagine how anything could be added to this; it’s already so complete.”He suddenly stands up and unclips his lightsaber from his belt, turning to me with a smirk that looks much like his father’s.

 

“Want to see if you’re still as good as you think you are?”


	7. Ben

BEN

 

“Hi, Ben.” I look up from where I sit in the grass reading a book to see the dark blonde hair of Julene— a padawan who recently left my class when a Jedi Knight selected her as her Apprentice.

“Hi, Julene.” Rey and Ozias are sparring with staffs several feet away so I trust they won’t notice our conversation. “How is your training progressing?”

“It’s difficult. I thought your class was challenging but being an Apprentice is even more so.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“Well, it probably isn’t difficult for you.”

I can feel my eyebrows pulling together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Just that you’re a really talented Apprentice.”

“Oh,” I can’t help my surprise at her response. “Sorry, most of the time when people say something like that it’s because they mean it’s easier for me because I’m a Skywalker and my Uncle runs the Academy.”

“Well, it probably is easier for you since you’re a Skywalker— your family are some of the most powerful Force users in galactic history.”

“Right, I guess.” 

I can’t help but look around, a little uncomfortable now as I always am with comments like that. I don’t like the idea of someone wanting to talk to me because of my family name. Unfortunately, it happens no matter what family name I look at: Solo they associate with the Rebellion General and smuggler; Skywalker they associate with the Chosen One and also with my Uncle— the last Jedi who defeated Darth Vader and has single handedly been resurrecting the Jedi Order from the dead; Organa they associate with my mother the Senator and adopted daughter of Alderaan’s Royal Family. Every now and then people remember my mother used to be known as Princess Leia because of her noble status; when they go through the history they realize that technically she would be the Queen of Alderaan now, thus making me its Prince. Any time someone wants to talk to me because of my family heritage it instantly makes me want to end the conversation.

“Well, it was good seeing you, Julene. Stay diligent in your training and you’ll get there.” I smile briefly and then give my attention back to my book.

Honestly, Julene is one of the weaker padawans in the Academy. At eighteen she is just now becoming an Apprentice, despite having come to the Academy at a relatively young age. She’s two years my junior and while I’m preparing to face the Jedi trials sometime in the next two years, I can’t imagine she will face her own for at least several more. Even Rey, at fifteen, has much more advanced skills than Julene does.

“Thanks.” She stands there for a few more moments and I can feel her staring at me so I look back up to see a nervous smile as she stands there awkwardly. “I was thinking maybe sometime this week, if you want…”

I realize as she trails off what she’s trying to ask me.

“That’s very nice of you, Julene, and I’m flattered. I’m just too busy with training for the Jedi trials, teaching my class, and helping Ozias teach Rey, for anything else. I’m sorry.”

It’s not a lie; I don’t have time and I never have. Even now, at the age of twenty, I don’t have time for dating. I doubt I ever will, either, since my role as a Jedi will always be my top priority other than Rey. It’s helpful, really, because it’s easier to not start a relationship than it is to start one and then have to explain our Force bond to someone else. Outside of my Uncle, my parents, Ozias, Rey, and I, everyone else is completely unaware of its existence. It’s better this way.

“It’s OK, I understand. You do have more responsibility than any other Apprentice. Is it true that once you become a Knight you’ll be Rey’s Master instead of Ozias?”

“Yes, though Ozias will always be my Master as well as hers.”

“Oh, what a lucky Apprentice she is, having two Jedi Knights.”

“She probably doesn’t feel lucky most day. Besides, it's only one right now: I’m not a Jedi Knight for quite some time yet.”

“But you will be.” She smiles sadly at me and for a brief moment I genuinely feel bad for turning her down. She may not be a talented Force user but she's always been nice. “Well, I’ll see you around sometime, Ben.”

“I’m sure.” I try to return her smile, hoping it reassures her.

As soon as she actually starts to walk away I return to my book. It’s only a few minutes later that a soft training ball smacks into me. I look around for the culprit and realize that Ozias and Rey finished their sparring match and are now practicing precognition; the ball must have gone off its intended path.

“You need to concentrate more on your task, Rey; if this were a blaster bolt you would have accidentally killed an innocent.”

“You’re certainly not an innocent, Ben. Besides, nothing would have hit you at all if you had also been paying attention instead of doing whatever it is you’re doing.”

I can feel her anger and frustration seeping through the bond; something I’ve experienced more from her the past year. After Rey became an Apprentice it seemed as though we began to quarrel more often about strange things. At first it seemed she was protective over her time with me so I tried reassuring her that there was no reason for concern and I thought that would calm things down. But since then it seems like I can almost do nothing other than anger her and most of the time I can’t understand why she’s angry with me.

This time is one of those because she knows I planned to read while they train.

“I’m reviewing some galactic history.”

“Well, whatever you were doing before.”

“What? Talking to a former student? That’s hardly something impermissible, Rey.”

“I never said it’s impermissible; just that it’s not a good way to avoid getting hit by something.”

“You know, I don’t know why you’re upset; I spend every day with you. Is it so bad for me to want to actually do something I want to do for a moment?”

As soon as the words are out I want to take them back in the wake of the surge of hurt that I feel coming from her.

“Ben Solo, you kriffing Hutt-spawn!”

Her shout echoes through the trees and structures around us as she flings her staff to the ground and stomps away. The air around her as she walks crackles with anger and frustration. I watch momentarily as she stomps off and then go back to my book.

“Sometimes I swear you enjoy vexing her and making my life more difficult.”

Rey’s staff suddenly knocks me in the head just hard enough to hurt but soft enough to not do any damage.

“Ow. What was that?” I snatch the staff out of the air with one hand while rubbing my head with the other. 

Across the grass from me, Ozias wears a stern scowl that I know means I’m in trouble with the Jedi. I brace for Ozias to close the distance between us and yell at me or send me flying off somewhere with a push from the Force, but instead, Ozias glares at me and points in the direction of Rey’s flight with a rigid arm.

“Go fix this,” his tone is stern and chastising but not angry. “Now.”

I, despite my penchant for arguing with my teacher, know that this isn’t a time when that would be wise. I don’t, however, understand what is going on and it’s frustrating, not to mention irritating. 

“I don’t even know what I’m fixing, Master Ozias. Rey’s upset with me— it happens practically once a week and I can’t account for it. If it wasn’t this it would have been something else to set her off; I might as well just wait it out like every other time.”

“You’re the only person who can have a Force bond with someone and be completely clueless about her at the same time. You’re more dense than I had imagined.”

“I’m not dense.”

“When it comes to her you are.”

“Are you kidding me? I know her better than anyone here. I just don’t understand what has her so upset with me all the time lately. Sometimes I think it was easier when she was eight and just wanted to argue with me until I’d fight her. At least that I understood.”

“You really don’t understand, do you? The two of you can feel each other’s emotions, sense the other’s whereabouts, communicate wordlessly with the other, share each other’s dreams, and even read each other’s thoughts—“ my eyes snap up to Ozias’s at that proclamation, panicked that I had somehow projected the information to my Master. It earns me an eye roll. “She told me about it. You’re not the only one who’s her teacher or who she talks to obviously, even if I don’t have a bond with her that was forged at birth.” 

My teacher’s eyes soften with affection and perhaps some sympathy as he reaches out a hand and places it on my shoulder. I feel my frustration and irritation ebb, leaving behind a remaining trace of hurt. I don’t bother hiding it from my expression as I look back at the Jedi.

“Go talk to her. This— whatever it is— needs to be understood and addressed by both of you so it doesn’t continue to fester. Your bond to each other is too strong for it to not bother you both increasingly until you pay it the appropriate attention.”

The wisdom is indisputable. Only giving a silent nod, I begin to shove myself off the ground to find the younger apprentice. The steady hand of Ozias pulls me back, surprising me.

“You can’t talk to her in your current state; it will only make matters worse.” I open my mouth to voice my confusion at the Jedi’s conflicting instructions. “Find your center first. Calm that tempest that I know is almost constantly brewing within you so you can approach her with your mind and spirit quiet for once. You’ll need the quiet so you can hear her— both what she’s saying and what she’s not— and consider it with an open and understanding spirit.”

“This sounds much more complicated than it should be.”   
“The spirit is complicated, even to the Jedi. Rey’s is no different; you often don’t notice simply because yours clatters so loudly, so restlessly.” I flush with embarrassment at the words, knowing that they’re true and something I should be beyond at this point in my training. Ozias holds up a silencing hand even though I haven’t spoken. “I’m not saying this to chastise you; we all have a restless spirit at times that calls out. It’s nothing to be ashamed of— rather it’s something to learn from— and right now, as Rey’s mentor and fellow apprentice your role is to quiet yours so you might help her own struggling mind. Remember: sometimes we scream so we might disguise our whispers.”

With a pat on the shoulder and a flash of his radiant smile, Ozias leaves me sitting in the grass, my mind still turning the puzzling words over. Most of Ozias’s advice makes sense but as always, a small portion that I am certain is very important, does not. Pushing the last words off for later consideration, I settle into a comfortable position and close my eyes to meditate.

A tempest raging along a shore darkens my vision, as if conjured from Ozias’s words. Waves crash against the rocks violently threatening to split and crumble them increasingly each time. The wind howls and whips viciously through the trees, which begrudgingly give their leaves to its force. For a moment it all overwhelms my senses and I almost begin to devolve into panic. Words from far away, long ago, come back to me then, in a high child-like voice.

Start simply, Ben, with one thing.

Refocusing, I begin with the wind, allowing myself to observe it as it truly is instead of as the power I gave it. The temperature, the pressure, the sound, each pass by my consciousness one-by-one, slowly replaced by the emotion each one carries with it. I examine the emotions individually as though each is a newly discovered rock I’ve found on an excursion as a child. I accept each one for what it is and set it aside. 

My attention turns to the water, satisfied with how the wind has settled, and I begin my process anew. I allow myself to admire the height of the waves, the consistency and texture of their foaming edges, the icy temperature, and its constant current. Again, I observe each in turn and the accompanying emotions, taking note of each and accepting it for what it is before ultimately setting it aside. As far as I can see, the water has smoothed, appearing as unblemished glass that extends to and disappears into the horizon.

For the first time I allow myself to take notice of the land around me. There’s a path that wanders on stone steps through the hills behind me. It disappears amongst their grassy peaks. What stands out, however, is the silence cocooning me and drawing a smile to me face. 

As I open my eyes, still wearing the smile, I recognize I was on Rey’s island.

I grab her staff from the grass beside me and set out to find the missing apprentice.

It doesn’t take long for me to find her— even if her frustration and pain weren’t screaming out to every Force sensitive person within miles, our shared bond would have easily pulled me to where she sits next to the lake. It always does. Neither one of us would be able to hide from the other easily. While both of us have been trained in cloaking our presence from others, even the most Force sensitive, we had yet to find a way to completely do so with each other. While often deemed annoying to both of us, I’m thankful for that fact right now.

The large tree next to the shore offers speckled shade that casts light and shadows in leaf-shaped patterns across her form and the ground. I stop and much like on the island, allow myself to notice and appreciate what I’m seeing. She’s released her hair from its usual stern bun so it’s cascading down her shoulders and back in soft, supple waves of darkness. It serves to obscure her padawan braid— her main identification of her ongoing training— and I wonder silently if that’s on purpose. Perhaps she has moments, too, when she doesn’t want to think about training and being a Jedi. In the past year she’s grown several inches and now reaches my chest, nearing my shoulders. I still tower over her but not the same as I used to. She’s matured so much over the recent years that it hadn’t really struck me prior to now the immense differences between the Rey I have seen every day since I was ten and the one who sits before me now with her chin resting on her knees.

When did she grow up?

“When you weren’t paying attention, though that’s not saying much.” 

Too late I realize she’s heard my thoughts.

Curse this bond.

“Yes, I say the same thing every day. But alas, Master Luke says it might only be severed when one of us dies and even then it’s not likely. If you want to offer to find out by disappearing into the lake so I can finally have my mind to myself, you’re welcome to.”

The words are harsh but lack any real bite. I sense the quiet hurt of someone who’s nursing a wound.

“I’d prefer to talk to you first before I test my luck in the lake.”

A step in her direction proves a bad idea as I feel the dropped nuts and small rocks on the ground jump up and begin pelting my limbs and torso. At least she’s sparing my head.

“I don’t want to talk to you or was walking away not clear enough?”

“Ow.” I flinch as one hits me particularly hard to punctuate her sentence. “You started this conversation when I was just standing here, saying nothing.” Another rock, slightly bigger this time, hits me with more force straight in the diaphragm, knocking the wind out of me. Clearly that was on purpose. “Ow. Rey, stop it, please. I’m really regretting teaching you all of this now.”   
“That’s not surprising.”   
“Whats that supposed to mean? Ow.” I debate using the staff to deflect them but my irrational fear nags that I could accidentally send one flying at her. I settle for simply Force blocking each one so they drop mid-air before actually striking me.

“It means, Ben, that you’ve regretted having to be my teacher since the day I met you. You’ve only done it because Master Luke made you.”

“You’re being ridiculous. You know that’s not true.”   
“”I heard it in your thoughts over and over again that first year.”   
“I was ten, Rey.” It’s becoming increasingly difficult to focus on both the conversation and blocking each small projectile. A few begin to elude my defenses. “You can’t judge the past ten years based on things I thought when I was ten, barely knew you, and was often frustrated.” I push one of the rocks back a bit harder than necessary, which sends it flying into a nearby tree. “Besides, if you had heard all of my thoughts you would have known that no matter how frustrated or irritated I was, I wanted to teach you. I’ve always been drawn to you.”   
I’m hoping the words will soothe her and finally put an end to her hundreds of mini-attacks, but if anything I find more debris flying at me. The ones that escape me land harder than before. But I can’t lose my focus; I know I can’t. Ozias wasn’t wrong earlier when he said that I would make the situation worse if I talked to her while frustrated and uncentered. I can’t risk it, so I force myself to focus more on reaching her and listening to what she’s saying. The feeling of rocks hitting me leaves my mind.

“So our Force bond making you do it is supposed to be any better?”   
“So I wasn’t a smart ten-year-old and I needed some help to stick with what would be the best thing to ever happen to me. You became my family, Rey. You’re the sister I never had.”

“I’m not your sister.”

Suddenly I find myself frozen in place, unable to move forward.

“Don’t come any closer.”

“Apparently I can’t.”

It seems like every possible rock and nut hits me simultaneously. It takes everything within me to maintain my composure as the stings of hundreds of small objects striking me threatens it. With a deep breath I close my eyes and focus on creating a barrier between myself and them, effectively freezing them all in place.

“Release me, Rey.” I quiet my voice more. “Please release me; I just want to mend this.”

Her release of the hold isn’t gentle, but sudden, and almost causes me to stumble and fall. Neither of us acknowledges this, much to my relief, and I take all of it for what it is as I settle next to her on the ground with my legs crossed. I try not to flinch when she shifts away from me slightly.

“You’re bad at listening.”   
“No, I simply choose to ignore the things I know aren’t helpful to a situation.”

A laugh huffs from her as her eyes scan across the lake, intent on looking anywhere, I realize, but at me.

“That’s one way to look at it.”

“What’s another?”

She turns to face me and for the first time I see her red-rimmed, puffy eyes, and realize she’s been crying, possibly this entire time. Guilt settles thick in my chest, strangling me slightly because I know she almost never cries.

“You don’t see me, do you? Not really.”

“What are you talking about? I spend most of my day with you.”   
“No, I mean you look at me and you still see a five-year-old who has to have you hand her a staff from the shelf in class.”

“Well, you are still a good deal shorter than I am.”  “Ben.” Her tone is serious and shakes me out of any faux joking mood I was attempting.

“Rey, I don’t understand. What’s wrong?”

“When you were standing in the trees you asked when I grew up. Do you really not see this?”

“I just felt surprised, I guess. It’s hard to see how time has passed, how things have changed.”

“Things always change.”   
“But I wish we could go back.”

“To what?”

“I don’t know. To you being five and the biggest argument being why you can’t practice with a remote yet, even though you’re clearly skilled enough to do it. I’d rather do that than be caught in this cycle we have where you get upset at me and I don’t know why.”

“No, we can’t go back to that.”

“Then tell me why you’re upset.”   
“Because you want to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Rey moves so she’s kneeling in front of me, looking intensely into my eyes.

“I’m not five anymore and I’m not your sister.”

“Is that what this is about? You know I meant—“

“I know what you meant.” She shifts inches closer and reaches out so she’s holding my face in her hands before she continues, her voice hushed to a whisper so low that I have to lean forward slightly to hear it. “I don’t want to be your sister.”

My heart breaks in that moment. She’s been a part of my family practically since the day I met her, possibly even before that in the eyes of my father, and I can’t imagine her not being a part of it anymore. But she wants to leave all of that, leave me behind?

“So that’s it?” My voice cracks but I don’t have enough care to feel embarrassed; losing Rey is by far much worse and more important than my pride or vanity right now. “Out of nowhere you just want to leave me, abandon me? I thought between our Force bond and our relationship we’d always be together; that you’d want that; that you’d be my Apprentice soon and I’d guide you through your trials and once you could take on an Apprentice I’d take on another one and we’d teach them together.” I can feel the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes and beginning to spill over. I swipe at them with my sleeve, angrily. “But now I’m not good enough for you; for all of that. I love you as a part of my family and this is what happens; you must really be a Solo if you’ve decided I’m such a disappointment that you don’t want to be around me. So what are you going to do, ask Master Luke to have another Knight be your Master once Ozias leaves?”

“I’m not saying any of that, Ben. I don’t want to leave you, I don’t want to be someone else’s Apprentice, and I know you love me as your sister. You’re important to me and I want to be important to you. I just don’t want to be your sister.”

“Then what is it? You’re talking in circles, Rey. If you don’t want to leave me and you don’t want to be my family anymore, then I don’t understand. Explain it to me.”

Her lips immediately crash into mine haphazardly.

That’s what this is about.

It’s the only reaction I can manage at this moment, while all of it still seems unreal.

She’s fifteen.

Before I can delve into that concern, I’m seized by a different thought, or rather, image flashing in my mind.

Cold, the dampness of snow softly landing across my shoulders, her, another kiss— one that fills me with momentary excitement but something is wrong. As I pull away I see the disgust etched on her face and the cold glint in her eye; it fills me with rage.

“You’re a monster.” It’s a whisper but I hear it and I raise a red lightsaber to strike her down.

The sensation of her lips on mine jolts me back to reality. I push back on her shoulders more forcefully than I mean to. It serves to almost knock her completely off balance on to her back but she manages to catch herself in time and right herself.

“Stop. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

And without another sound other than the frantic clatter of my conflicted thoughts, I stand and hurry away.


	8. Ozias

**OZIAS**

 

 

 

The moment I see Ben rush past me, I know that something has gone very wrong.I almost instantly make the decision to begin trailing a bit behind him.My elder Apprentice tends to make very bad decisions when he’s upset and this is a moment when he clearly is.Whatever he’s about to do I am sure I will have to figure out how to undo.

 

I’m not sure when Ben got so tall that it causes me to have to almost jog to keep up with his long, quick strides.I’m clearly outpaced but manage to at least keep him within my line of sight as the younger man hastens to his destination.I don’t slow until he bursts into Master Luke’s office.I let myself slow and wait outside the door, listening undetected.

 

“I want to go on your next expedition.”  


“Ben, you know that these aren’t just trips out to other planets; these are dangerous.”

 

“And you’ve only never taken me on one because of my mother and Rey, and I never pressed it but that’s over.I want to go— you know I have the skill and padawans much younger than I am have been going on them for years.”

 

“You’re forgetting that your teacher has to accompany you or consent to you going without him.Have you talked to Ozias?”  


“No, and I don’t care.”

 

“Well I do.”I finally decide to make my presence known and step in to address both men, “I really don’t think that this is a good idea, Ben.”

 

“Don’t talk to me about things that aren’t a good idea.You’re full of them right now.”

 

“That’s not fair; whatever happened when you talked to Rey is the making of the two of you, not me.”

 

“But you knew.”

 

“What?”

 

“You knew what would happen, didn’t you?”

 

“No, Ben, I don’t have the gift of foresight the way that Rey does— the Force doesn’t give me clear visions of the future.At best I get vague indications for things that may or may not come to pass in my own life.”

 

“Well, I’m not the only one who’s her teacher and who she talks to, right?”

 

“If you think that I would knowingly send you to cause pain for both of you, then I will remind you my job is to teach you both and keep you on the path of the Light; what you’d be suggesting would serve neither purpose.”

 

“I am severely confused what has happened.”Luke crosses over to us, carefully inserting himself in the middle, turned to face me.“I do think it would be helpful for Ben to leave for a few weeks.He’ll be under my supervision exclusively the entire time, which should keep him from mischief.This will give you some time to work on advanced skills with Rey when she’s not instructing Ben’s class in his absence.I’m sure she’ll benefit immensely from having your undivided attention and the experience of a new challenge.”  


“Of course, Master Luke; I default to your wisdom on this.My Apprentice is yours to command.”

 

I bow my head lowly to Master Luke before I exit with Ben on my heels.Our strides are quick until we reach the garden outside and Ben halts my steps with a flick of his wrist.

 

“Don’t use your Force skills to keep me from walking, Apprentice.If you wish to speak with me, then tell me.”

 

Ben advances until he’s standing next to me, neither of us looking at the other, before he releases his hold.

 

“When you said that you wouldn’t have sent me to cause pain to both of us, you really meant that you wouldn’t have sent me if you knew I’d reject her and hurt her.”

 

“No, I meant exactly what I said.You’re both in pain right now, even if you aren’t admitting it.Don’t forget that you both still have a Force bond with me as your teacher, even if it’s not as deep as the one you have with each other.”

 

“You knew how she felt though, didn’t you?You couldn’t have thought pursuing it was a good idea.”

 

“You’re right; I didn’t think it was a good idea.When she told me and every time since, I’ve dissuaded her the best I could from acting on it.”

 

“Because she’s so young.”

 

“Because you’re rash.”

 

“Ozias, she’s fifteen and five years my junior.”

 

“And if it was reversed, if she was five years older than you, would you feel the same way?”

 

“I know what you’re getting at and no, because I would be fifteen.You’d be having this conversation with her.”

 

“I doubt that.I don’t think it’s a good idea because you’re both too young, for entirely different reasons, though eventually a five year age gap will mean nothing.Even your grandparents knew that age is meaningless.”

 

“That was a long time ago— many of the old ideals are outdated.”

 

“But some things remain.”  


“If you were against her acting on what she told you, why are you arguing with me and encouraging this now?”

 

“Trust me, I’m far from advocating for this.But Ben, your ages are not the real issue you have, though it’s a convenient excuse.I dissuaded her because your attachment to her is selfish; having her makes you better both in your skills and in your life and you like that but you’re scared of what it means and moreover, what you bring to her.I told her to wait until you know your own mind better, otherwise I fear your affection for her could turn into a possessive form of it.”

 

“And how did she respond?”

 

“That you would be more successful with help.”

 

Ben accepts the response with a nod and a hint of a knowing smile.Rey is nothing if not determined and stubborn.

 

“It barely matters anymore.She hates me now, I’m certain.”

 

“Rey’s too in control of herself to hate anyone, least of all you.Listen to your bond; you’ll findno hatred there.”

 

Even without checking, Ben knows my words correct.The past ten years have been enough testament to that.

 

“I know.”

 

“I have to go find my other Apprentice now.”

 

“Ozias, can you tell her that—“

 

“No.Whatever needs to be said has to come from you; not a messenger.If you need her to know something before you leave, I suggest you talk to her before you go.And when you do, Ben, remember how much it hurts to have someone you care about not feel the same.”

 

I turn and begin to walk back in the direction of the lake and hope my words bring some sense to at least one of my apprentices.

 

 

 

“It’s always easiest when you want to be found.I don’t have to wander around for so long or have Ben tell me where you are.”

 

I lower myself to the ground, seating myself next to her, looking out at the water before us.I know she feels embarrassed so I don’t look at her; I can afford her at least this amount of privacy right now.

 

“There isn’t any sense in trying to hide; today can’t be any worse than it already is so what’s the point in avoiding anything else that could happen?”

 

Her words strike me and once again I have to remind myself that she’s younger than her wisdom makes her sound.

 

“It’s hard to remember you’re fifteen.”

 

I feel the tremble of irritation from her through the Force.

 

“If you also came to marvel over how I’m not five anymore and you didn’t notice until now, I‘m not interested.”

 

“You know better than to expect that from me.”I sneak a small look at her to assess her level of antagonism before continuing.“On the contrary; I have to remind myself that you’re _only_ fifteen.I always catch myself thinking you’re older.Most of the time I think of you as Ben’s age; your skill levels are so close and you’re more mature than your fifteen years would credit you.” 

 

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?”

 

“No, probably not.The words are more for myself than for you.Sometimes I forget we have such different experiences.I came here older than either you or Ben and had a typical childhood with a family and siblings until then.When I came, I adopted the Academy as my family.Ben was younger than you when he came and was lonely even then, but he never felt the effects of constantly going without.His skills were what set him apart so young and Master Luke was quick to take his only nephew under his wing.

 

“You arrived as a force of nature, practically, and changed everything.I remember when we found you— alone, determined, ready to fight anyone or anything for what you needed.But you weren’t afraid and you weren’t angry; you were still compassionate and caring and open.It made sense— your solitude— because your skills were so advanced already but no one understood them.You were too young to know your skills were special, no one was there to tell you so you didn’t try to hide them at first.Ben and I both had people who understood what was happening and who could guide us and eventually helped us find Master Luke.You had to fend for yourself, confined to loneliness.”

  
“Why are you telling me this?”

 

“Because you need to realize that in many ways you’re more equipped than Ben is.You always have been.”

 

“He’s repulsed by me, Ozias.”  


“That’s not true.”

 

“You didn’t see his face.”Her voice hitches with a quiet sob that makes me carefully slide a comforting arm across her shoulders.“He was horrified, repulsed.”

 

“Whatever you saw wasn’t directed at you.”

 

“He couldn’t even look at me.He just pushed me away and ran.”

 

“It took Ben barely a minute to love you and adopt you as his family; something like that doesn’t go away so easily as one moment and certainly not when all you did was be honest about your affection for him.No matter what happened, Rey, the two of you are too close for this to be permanently damaging.It hurts now but it will get better.Your bond has always been a stable foundation for both of you.”

 

“Of course; no one even gets a choice because of it.Master Luke _made_ the two of you be my mentors, the Force _makes_ Ben be drawn to me.None of it is by choice.”

 

“Did you ever think that your Force bond exists because the two of you naturally work together, not the other way around?”

 

I can feel her muscles tense as she clearly absorbs my words.The pause between us grows but I can see the chaotic feelings she’s processing.

 

“No.”Her tone is low; confused.

 

“None of us are forced to do anything.Destiny is a future reality that takes our choices into account.”

 

“How could destiny possibly take personal choice into account?”

 

“Destiny is logic, really.It takes the confluence of possibilities and differing peoples’ decision points and follows their logical path of completion.Are you following?”

 

“Marginally.”

 

“Living, thinking beings are overall predictable, no matter how much we may not believe so.Our actions, our decisions, are all products of the patterns emerging from our learned consciousness that have been shaped through experience.Thus, destiny is just the logical conclusion of these choices and the ensuing realities.”

 

“What about people who do the unexpected?”

 

“You can logically expect them to do the unexpected.And just because it’s unexpected to others doesn’t mean that in the larger context of the vast universe in which we happen to move and breathe it isn’t completely and utterly predictable.”

 

“What about the visions I have that are deemed to only possibly come to pass?”

 

“It means that there are alternate outcomes that are dependent on multiple decisions that are equally logical for someone to make.The point though, Rey, is that destiny isn’t a prison sentence; it is just the product of free choice.”

 

“So you mean you weren’t assigned to be my teacher by Master Luke; that it was your decision?”

 

“Correct.I asked him if I could teach you shortly after we found you.But he assigned me Ben as well.That one he did force me to take.”

 

“But he made Ben be my mentor.”

 

“He might have originally asked Ben but ultimately Ben requested to mentor you the morning he met you— already your presence had changed him.”I look at her profile as she considers my words.It strikes me that I don’t often see her with students other than Ben; she spends her waking hours almost entirely with her fellow Apprentice, Master, and sometimes Master Luke.

 

“You’ve spent so much of your life with Ben and I.I think it would be beneficial for you to spend time with other students for a while.”She looks as though she wants to protest but I notice she clearly stops herself from speaking.“Ben will be away on an expedition for a few weeks with Master Luke.While he’s gone you’ll be instructing Ben’s class— the one for padawans who haven’t been released for individual training— and you and I will focus on advanced skills.It will be an ideal opportunity for you to do something other than simply train with your two mentors.” 

 

“It’s not as if knowing other students will change my future, Ozias.”

 

“You never can be certain— Force visions can change— but even if they don’t, the end result being unchanged doesn’t mean you shouldn’t explore and experience.Enjoy being fifteen and having one of your demanding teachers off-planet.Be young for once, padawan.”

 

“OK, I’ll try.”


	9. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, hope you're enjoying this so far. Leave a comment and let me know what you think!

**BEN**

 

_ Before she can enter her room I catch her shoulder to stop her. She hesitates for a moment before turning to face me, her arms crossed on her chest.With her face a mask of disinterest I’m not sure what to do so I sheepishly stare at the floor.It’s enough to make me feel like an embarrassed child. _

 

_ “I’m leaving on an expedition with Master Luke tomorrow.” _

 

_ “I know— Ozias told me.”She shifts her weight so she’s leaning against the recessed wall of her doorway with her shoulder.“I was confused why it wasn’t you who told me first.” _

_  
I know I visibly flinch at her words and the rebuke that accompanies them for avoiding her since our conversation at the lake. _

 

_ “I wasn’t sure how.” _

 

_ She laughs incredulously.“OK.Then why are you telling me now?” _

 

_ Slowly I raise my eyes from the floor until they meet hers.They’ve softened more than I know I deserve— even now, when I’ve hurt her, she cares about me.It kills me how she’d let me hurt her over and over. _

 

_ “I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye, especially after what happened.” _

 

_ “What?You mean after you shoved me away and took off without any explanation, leaving me completely humiliated?” _

 

_ I knew she wouldn’t make it that easy on me.It would be asking for too much. _

 

_ “I deserve that.I’m sorry for what I did and for hurting you.I wish I could explain it to you but I’m not sure how to yet,”at least not without you becoming scared of me and never wanting to see me again. “But you don’t have to worry about seeing me for a few weeks so maybe that will give us both enough time and we can set things right between us when I get back.”I pause, hoping for some indication that she thinks this is possible but all I get in response is a blank stare.“I don’t want to lose you, you’re my—“ I stop myself, grappling in my head for the right word. _

 

_ What exactly is she? _

 

_ “Your what?Sister?”The tone is unmistakably irritated. _

 

_ “I wasn’t going to say that.”  
_

__ “Then what?”  
  
“Honestly, I don’t know— I’m not sure anymore.”She doesn’t look at all convinced by my words.“All I know is you’re the most important person in my life.Can’t that be good enough for now?”

 

_ “Sure.Whatever, Ben.” _

 

_ The disappointment in her voice doesn’t escape me but I let it go.This is the last time I’m going to see her for a while and I want to focus on committing her to memory just in case. _

 

_ My thoughts must have been louder than I intended. _

 

_ “You’re going to be fine, Ben.I’ll see you when you get back.” _

 

_ Quickly she approaches me and raises up on her toes to embrace me in a light hug.It’s over almost as soon as it begins.I barely register it before I see the door to her room closing behind her. _

 

_ The tug in my chest is unbearable so for once I indulge it by allowing myself to walk to her door and lean my forehead against it, one hand splayed across the cool metal.I can sense her on the other side mirroring me and adjust my hand so it rests over the same area I know hers is. _

 

_ “It’s not me I’m worried about.” _

 

_ It’s a whisper but I know she’s heard it; I can feel the ripple of sadness and longing through the door.I let it settle over me and invade every inch of my consciousness.It’s a part of her and right now I need something of her to hold on to, even if it’s just this. _

 

 

 

It’s been twenty-five days since then.Twenty-five days since I walked away from her door and left so I could escape my own embarrassment.Twenty-five days since I recited in my head like a mantra: _she’s so young._ Twenty-five days since I closed my eyes and silently swore it was better this way because obviously I am a threat to her; all I could do is hurt her over and over. 

 

And for each of those twenty-five days I’ve regretted the decision.It wasn’t the conversation from the night before my departure that caused it, though I’ve tortured myself repeatedly with thoughts of it for days.No, it's the act of being away at all.Every time I’ve felt her happiness or excitement, I’ve wondered at its cause and even envied that I’m not it.When the echoes of nervousness, fear, or anxiety have come through, my mind drifts to darker musings, conjuring images of who or what could possibly be inflicting such pain or suffering on her.

 

The only thing worse, I discover, is my own guilt and anxiety of inflicting my own emotions on her throughout the expedition.I never expected it to be anything less than dangerous— I even had hoped it would be especially so when I asked to go— but I hadn’t considered that my own emotions and experiences wouldn’t be born by just me; I’d unwittingly signed her up for every gut-wrenching and pain-inducing moment without real consideration.Even with the distance between us I knew she would feel every single thing. 

 

Me, the person who is supposed to guide her, teach her, think first of her well being: that’s the person who decided to inflict pain and suffering on her in service to my own selfish whims.The only solace has been that the distance means she’d only feel a muted version of it all.At the same time I know it means whatever I sense from her is much more intense for her; it makes the moments of her increased pain or fear that much more worrisome.

 

After twenty-five days of wondering and worrying and wishing that I hadn’t hastily insisted on going with my Uncle, I practically try to sprint out of the ship when it lands.Uncle Luke sets a knowing hand on my arm, lightly reminding me to embrace patience.Hurrying to disembark would be pointless anyway since we arrive late in the night when the students are already sleeping.Nonetheless, I still itch to be back and next door to Rey once again.The past three and a half weeks had been more than I could stand.

 

“Have you considered what you’re going to say when you see her?”My Uncle’s words are gentle as we walk side-by-side.

 

“No, not really, Master Luke.”

 

We both stop walking and turn to face each other, a smile playing on the older man’s lips.

 

“I speak to you now as your Uncle, not your Jedi Master, Ben.”Uncle Luke’s hands feel clammy as he sets them on my shoulders, even through my robes.“You have been gone for twenty-five days after, presumably, you two had some sort of disagreement.I’ve sensed your anguish and longing throughout our journey and know that your feelings have softened.Hers, however, might not have.”

 

This is not a possibility I had considered but now I can see why it could be likely.When I left we were still in a state of brokenness.I have done nothing since then to change that.Honestly, I still am not sure how to fix it.

 

“When I left she was upset with me and hurt.I could feel it.Even when I said goodbye I sensed it, but it had grown into disappointment as well.”My voice wavers at the end of my statement.I wince at it— I’m twenty and should be beyond such displays of embarrassing emotion.

 

“Your bond to each other, as you know, has existed since birth.It’s an extraordinary gift that strengthens you both and brings happiness and companionship to you, but it also must be treated with care— you have the ability to inflict the most acute pain on each other if you don’t.”

 

My suspicion peaks with my Uncle’s words. 

 

“Uncle Luke, did Ozias tell you what happened?”

 

The responding chuckle confuses me.Certainly Ozias did and my Uncle finds the situation humorous. 

 

“I’m not laughing at your predicament, nephew.Ozias didn’t tell me— he didn’t have to.Rey’s affection for you wasn’t difficult for me to see.I presume that’s what led to this disagreement and the ensuing pain.”

 

“I didn’t realize it and reacted…poorly.”

 

My Uncle chuckles again and sighs with a shake of his head.

 

“You are your father’s son: gifted with charming women but equally gifted in saying and doing the most ill-conceived things possible.”

 

“I fear things won’t ever be the same again.”

 

“No, they won’t.”I startle at the proclamation; I had expected soothing words, not his agreement.“That isn’t negative.The ground you step on, the air we breathe, the ocean that laps the shore; all of these constantly change.Why should anything else be different?Change is the nature of everything and the nature of the Force.One of the most difficult truths for a Jedi to embrace but a necessary one for true mastery.”

 

The concept, while simple, is one too large for me to truly process in this moment.I resolve to later consider it more with meditation.For now, however, I only care how it relates to one thing.

 

“What do I do?”

 

“Accept change, embrace patience.The rest depends on what you both do and want.”

 

This is less helpful than I was hoping.

 

“What she wants right now is inappropriate— she’s too young.”

 

“Maybe that’s true, but I doubt it is to you.I think your concern lies with something else.”I feel the pressure of my Uncle’s hand urging me forward again.“Come now— it’s best to sleep before all else.”

 

He’s right; I feel the exhaustion creeping through my body from not just our journey home, but the strain of our entire trip.My emotions are frayed with all the considering and I long for the respite of sleep more now than ever at my Uncle’s mention of it.

 

On the way to my room I stop at Rey’s door and reach out a hand to rest on it.The spark of hope grows in my chest that somehow this can be OK.Different, but still OK.

 

 

The morning comes much quicker than I like, considering the residual weariness I feel.It’s a few seconds before I remember exactly where I am and a few more for the rest to come rushing back.Once it does, I don’t waste any time preparing for the day, both physically and mentally.I’m not certain of what my first interaction with Rey will bring but I tell myself that I’ll handle it with openness and a calm mind.My purpose is solely to figure out how to fix what is currently broken.

 

I stop short when I open the door to see my teacher standing across the hall, obviously waiting for me.Ozias has not made a habit of waiting for me like this.In fact, he’s never done it before now.A subtle feeling of dread knots in my stomach at it.No, I have to stay focused.All that matters is getting things back on track.

 

“I see my Apprentice has returned and in one piece.You don’t look any worse for wear.How was your expedition?”We fall into step with each other as we head toward the dining area for morning meal.

 

“It was as dangerous as I anticipated and good experience.I wonder how much I would have benefited my training if I had begun going on them years ago like my peers.”

 

“I suspect it would have been to some benefit but the experience of teaching and mentoring— especially a gifted pupil— has benefited your growth more than any excursions could, I believe.”

 

“Agreed.I admit I missed my usual responsibilities though I enjoyed the temporary change.By the end, however, I became eager to return to all of this.”I don’t understand the compulsion to add the last admission.

 

We’ve reached the dining area and I move to sit at the table I usually share with Ozias and Rey, as well as a varying collection of whoever Ozias is working with at the time.A hand tugging on my elbow stops me.I shoot Ozias a questioning look but he only looks back with a sympathetic eye that he’s struggling to mask with a focused severity.

 

“I thought you and I could sit with a few of the other Knights and Master Luke this morning.That way I can update you on the progress Rey has made in your absence.She can then tell you more about your class later in the morning.”Ozias guides us both to a table already mostly occupied, save two seats.

 

“Of course, Master.Will Rey not join us?”

 

“My other Apprentice is sitting with several of her peers as she has taken to doing at morning meal as of late.”

 

“I see.”I try to hide my disappointment as I seat myself across from Ozias, who sits next to my Uncle.

 

“We couldn’t expect to be her whole world forever, I suppose, Ben.”Ozias makes the comment dismissively as if he was making an obvious observation of little importance.

 

“Of course not. “I’m now actively biting back the scathing comments I’d like to make.“A young woman her age would naturally gravitate to others.And with her disposition I’m sure it hasn’t been difficult for her to come by new acquaintances.”

 

_I just didn’t expect to be replaced so quickly in her life._

 

The formality of my words are too much and I know that both Ozias and Uncle Luke know the words are entirely insincere.Out of the corner of my eye I catch the concerned look the two men share and must restrain myself from snapping at them both.I suspect my efforts are less than subtle and most likely rousing the attention of the other Jedi at the table.Frankly, I don’t care if it is.No amount of preparation would have been sufficient for this.

 

“Even your students have taken to her.I suspect they may prefer her over you.”

 

I smile at that idea.If there’s anyone I would be bested by, I would feel no bitterness at it being her.Pride swells within my chest at the image of her enjoying teaching those who are her contemporaries and elders, even, and them flourishing under her instruction.

 

“She’s most likely softer on them,”I joke light-heartedly.“They are probably thankful for the reprieve.”

 

“Actually, I observed her many times and I do believe she’s firmer with them than you are: more demanding.Bot she’s also kind and helpful with words of support and compassion.At first I worried they would resent her for her role as their instructor since she’s younger than most of them but they respect and admire her advance skill.If anything, her accelerated learning inspires them.”

 

I allow myself to briefly glance over at the table where she sits with my usual group of young students who I instruct each morning.At this moment she happens to be laughing at something that must involve the boy sitting next to her, to whom she’s currently giving her attention.I mean to only look for a moment but when I turn back to see a pitying look from my Uncle I know it must have lasted longer.

 

“If there’s anyone who could inspire that unfocused lot, it would be her.”Desperately, I hope both Jedis will accept my attempt at saving face and not press me on the matter.“Perhaps she should stay on as a second instructor with me.She’s already developed a rapport with them, clearly, and instructing has always been beneficial for skill development.”

 

I glance up again at my two teachers, hoping to not see pity etched on their faces anymore.Thankfully, surprise has replaced pity.

 

“That actually does sound like a good idea.Master Luke, what do you think?”Ozias turns to the older Jedi who seems to be thoroughly considering the suggestion.

 

“I agree.She’s been instructing the newest younglings for quite a while and must be tiring of it.A new challenge will benefit her.I’ll take over her afternoon instruction of the younglings until a new instructor is assigned so her advanced training isn’t hindered.”

 

The issue seems settled and silence falls back over the group.I can hear Rey’s voice, bright with excitement and amusement and I become desperate for distraction.

 

“What skills have you covered with her in my absence?”

 

If Ozias suspects my anguish he does not show it.

 

“Mostly advanced lightsaber techniques and foresight, amongst a few others.”

 

I perk at the mention of the latter.I can’t recall a time when we’ve focused on the skill.

 

“Foresight?”

 

“Yes.”Ozias clears his throat awkwardly.“I asked her how she wanted to focus her time and that was one of her requests.”

 

“What about foresight did you practice?”

 

“Focusing it— particularly focusing on one vision to bring more clarity to it.But also inducing visions and then focusing them.”

 

Curious.

 

“I had no idea you had such skill, Ozias.I thought foresight was something you yourself proclaimed to not excel at.”The words taste bitter and I know I’m spitting them at him with a tinge of venom.

 

“True, it’s not my strong suit and Rey’s aptitude has already exceeded my own.I actually had to seek the assistance of other Jedi with a better grasp on the talent.”Ozias breaks for a moment to shoot me a stern look that tells me I’ve overstepped with my tone, but then turns his gaze to Master Luke.“Your return couldn’t have come at a better time, Master Luke.She could benefit from your instruction on this matter as well.”

 

“Certainly, though I’m by far not the most adept at that particular skill.Master Yoda was perhaps the best in centuries.”

 

The two continue talking on the subject but my attention quickly fades from the conversation. It seems as if I’ve walked into a completely different world and I’m not sure what the rules here are or how I fit into it exactly.My Uncle’s words about change from the previous night fill my mind but I can’t make the lesson fit this situation well enough to be helpful.It’s too much to absorb this quickly.

 

As if to punctuate the thought, I’m suddenly flooded with the sense of affection and happiness.Neither belongs to me as I can feel my mood darkening quickly.I know I’m sensing Rey through our bond and I don’t need to actually look in order to know she’s looking at the boy next to her.

 

The room is suddenly too crowded and hot for my liking.I can’t bear it for another moment and feel the undeniable urge to escape.My attempt to rise quietly and leave without stirring the attention of my table companions fails when my chair squeaks loudly across the floor.

 

“Excuse me, Master Luke, Master Ozias, I want to go meditate and prepare for my return to instruction before my students arrive.If I wish to be appropriately prepared, I should excuse myself now.”

 

Both men silently nod to me and I hastily exit.I don’t slow until I’ve closed the doors to my instruction room with a wave of my hand.The frustration doesn’t leave me, it even seems to increase, and I scrub a hand across my face and through my hair more forcefully than I should.

 

I shouldn’t be this upset.This shouldn’t bother me.Why does it?She’s young, she should have friends that aren’t her Master and instructor.It’s not as if I should hold a monopoly on her time.

 

She basically handed me her heart and I shoved her away; of course she’s going to seek refuge in others.She’s going to naturally want to belong somewhere and I made her feel she doesn’t belong with me after years of swearing she always would.What was I expecting?This is for the best— that vision showed me I’m destined only to hurt her if I allow her any closer.She’s so young and naive; she doesn’t realize what she’s risking.I made the right decision.

 

So why do I hate it so much?”

 

As if on queue, Rey pushes the door open.I try my best to push my feelings down so she hopefully won’t notice them.Nothing would be worse at this moment than her sensing my negativity towards her own happiness.

 

“Hello, Rey, I trust you were well while I was gone.”I sound so stilted, so formal; she’ll definitely know that something is wrong.

 

Her brows pull together in confusion.“Ben, we share a Force bond, you know every emotion I had while you were gone just as I know yours.”She holds my eyes for several seconds, her gaze full of meaning.

 

“I’m sorry about that.I hadn’t really thought it all the way through until it was too late.I didn’t mean to worry you.”

 

She’s busying herself with setting out weapons and remotes for the incoming class.

 

“I’d say I’m surprised by that but why lie— you’ll know.”

 

“I deserve that.”I cross the room to her and take the equipment from her hands.“I’ve been pretty thoughtless, I know.I’m sorry.But I was serious when I told you before I left that I want to fix this.Maybe we can talk about it after class?”

 

Her mouth opens and closes several times before she seems to decide what she wants to say. 

 

“Of course, Ben.You’re my teacher.”

 

What to make of that comment, I’m not sure, so I set it aside for later consideration.It seems like I’m doing that a lot lately.Right now I need a new topic, though.

 

“Ozias tells me you’ve excelled at teaching this class, though I’m not surprised.”I catch the blush that colors her cheeks at the compliment before she resumes setting up the room.“You’ve done so well that Master Luke agreed you should stay on to continue teaching it.”

 

“But this is your class.”

 

“You’d teach it with me.It will be a good challenge and help develop your skills.”

 

“But when would we train?I teach new students in the afternoon.I’ve always used the mornings to train with Ozias while you teach so you and I can practice before dinner.”

 

“Master Luke will be taking your new student class until another instructor is assigned.”

 

“Oh, well, if Master Luke thinks it would be beneficial.”

 

There might be more to that thought but it’s lost when one of the students enters.It’s a girl— Auxana— who is a newly advanced padawan.She also happens to find a reason to talk to me every chance she gets.

 

“Master Ben!”

 

“Auxana, I’m not a Jedi Knight.I’m an Apprentice still.”

 

“I always forget— you seem like you already went through the Jedi trials since you’re so _advanced_.”I can hear Rey snort at that.

 

“Well, I still have a while.Until then I’m simply an instructor.”  


“You’re a great instructor.It’s good to have you back.”She suddenly must realize Rey is present as she rushes to add, “though Rey’s been an excellent substitute.It’s obvious you’ve been a great mentor to her.”

 

“She is Ozias’s Apprentice the same as I am.He’s a talented teacher.Both of us owe much of our skill to him.”

  
“I hope I get assigned to or selected by such a great Master.Maybe Master Luke will ask you to be my Master once you pass the trials.”

 

“You’ll probably be someone’s Apprentice before then.”  


“And Ben’s already agreed to take me as his Apprentice when he passes.”Rey jumps in suddenly much to my surprise.“You know, to take over for Ozias since he plans to take a solitary journey for a while.Master Luke assigned it years ago.”

 

“Oh, well, who knows.Ozias has two Apprentices; it’s not impossible.”Auxana classes a smile at me.

 

“I highly doubt I could handle two Apprentices.But don’t worry, Auxana, you’ll be assigned a Master soon enough.”

 

Her smile dims a little before she saunters over to her usual spot in the room.

 

It’s a few minutes before the last of the students arrive for class.They all welcome me back and ask about my time away as they enter, hoping to hear stories of danger and adventure, no doubt.I wave them off with promises to tell them later; a promise I don’t intend to keep.

 

Thought the morning I find myself alternating between correcting students’ forms and tactics and watching Rey as she tours the room, doing the same.I notice her giving thoughtful and gentle advice, even making a joke sometimes to put particularly nervous students at ease.I have to refocus my attention on my students several times to keep myself from staring at her too much.

 

_Stop it.She’s your student and you’re supposed to guide and help her_.

 

The world stops moving completely when I see her stop to help the boy she was sitting next to earlier.For the second time that day I feel dread taking root and a knot in my stomach.I push it away so I can pay attention to whatever I sense from her.  


Much to my chagrin, she’s only happy and a bit self-conscious.I hate that she would ever be self-conscious, especially around a boy who she is clearly superior in skill to, but I can’t help but feel responsible since my rejection probably led to her shaken confidence.Her emotions change to a sense of alarm and slight panic when a piece of her hair falls from her bun and the boy tucks it behind her ear.

 

I don’t think; I just react.Before I even realize what I’m doing, my feet have taken me across the room so I’m standing in front of them.One glance at him tells me that he’s at least a couple years older than Rey.The boy looks terrified as I cross my arms on my chest and scowl at the student.

 

“Padawan,” I address him in a stern voice.“Did your instructor invite you to touch her?”

 

“No,no.I—“

 

“I thought not.”I stalk closer to the student and drop my voice to a low, menacing whisper.“What’s your name, padawan?”

 

“Jabari.”  


“Well, Jabari, I assume you’ve been acquainted with the code of conduct?”

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“And you’re familiar, then, with the proper ways for a student to regard an instructor?”

 

“Yes,” the boy pauses and then quickly remembers himself, adding, “Sir.”

 

“So you know such intimate touching from a student is inappropriate and grounds for discipline.”

 

“Yes, Sir.I’m sorry, Sir.I submit myself to your judgment and discipline.”

 

The boy has bowed his head in submission.The words mollify me some— I don’t deny that I feel a satisfaction at the small indication of my own victory.This isn’t supposed to be a competition or battle though, so I keep the self-satisfied smirk from my face and instead maintain my carefully-cultivated mask of indifference.

 

“Apologize to Instructor Rey.I’ll leave her to decide your punishment.”

 

The student offers a bow to me and then turns to offer a similar one to Rey.Though she’s his junior in age, her status as his instructor and as a Jedi’s selected Apprentice demands the boy’s deferment to her.

 

“My apologies, Instructor, I did not intend any disrespect but I recognize the inappropriate nature of my actions.I gladly submit myself to your judgment and will wholeheartedly embrace and complete any discipline you see fit.”

 

I have to admit that the boy has a talent for flourish in his apology.Rey’s eye catches mine as I turn to continue observing my students andI sense a flash of irritation and a whisper of anger as well.

 

Good.She’s upset with the boy’s conduct.

 

I shouldn’t like that, I know.I can’t even really understand why I do or why I take a similar delight in the irritation and journey that I sense from the boy.Everything seems turned inside out from what it was before I left but my Uncle had said that change should be embraced.I resolve that’s what I’ll do as I stop to correct a female student’s stance.

 

I spend the rest of the class time contemplating my Uncle’s advice and how I’ll talk to Rey that afternoon during our individual training time.

 

I’ll tell her I understand now that the world will always change and us with it and how I had been nervous and scared of the idea of either of us growing older, changing from who we already are.But I will tell her how I see it differently now— I’m not scared of those things anymore.I know I don’t have to worry about losing her; her hating me and regretting our years together.I will make her understand that I trust in this Force bond that has anchored us both for so long to keep that from happening; that she is my best friend and the person I care about most in the galaxy; that she deserves so much more than just me and I know she will see that soon.I’ll tell her she doesn’t need to be embarrassed about what happened and she can trust that I’ll never hurt her ever again.

 

I’m so distracted with my musings that I almost get a kick to the face for it.

 

“Watch your aim, student— your opponent is two feet away from me.”My tone is stern but lacks its usual bite.

 

It’s finally the end of class and I’m unsure if it would be possible for my students to be more excited than I am about it.I’m practically itching to talk to Rey and tell her to meet me by the lake after midday meal for training.Maybe I’ll entice her to sit with Ozias and I once again instead of with the students from this morning.Things couldn’t take that long to get back on track from there, I’m sure.

 

Out of the corner of my eye I notice Rey talking to the boy— Jabari— again as the other students file out the door.There’s a blush growing across Rey’s cheeks as they converse and the glint in the boy’s eye makes my entire person tense with apprehension.I swear I sense giddiness and a bit of shyness from her.No, that couldn’t be right.She had been irritated and a touch angry at Jabari earlier.I had _felt_ it.Nothing could have changed since then.

 

My feet want to bring me over to them— want me to interrupt whatever is happening that I can’t quite comprehend.Before I can get that far, however, two girls— I recognize Auxana but not the other one— step into my path.

 

“Mas— Instructor Ben, my roommate is new to our class.She couldn’t come early to meet you.”

 

I regard the new student with a nod, which she meets with a deep bow.

 

“Instructor Ben, it’s an honor to meet you.When I was Instructor Rey’s student as a youngling she spoke highly of you and your teachings in the Force.”

 

“She’s an excellent student and an excellent teacher herself.”It’s difficult to keep my mind focused when all I really want to do is usher the young girls out so I can more clearly hear the conversation happening a few feet away.“she’ll be your instructor once again.”

 

“I know— she and I talked when she helped me during class.”

 

“Mast— Instructor Ben is the best teacher.”Auxana beams at both myself and the other girl as if my abilities are hers in which she can take pride.

 

I try to appear as though I’m paying attention to the girls’ chatter while instead focusing on the other words being exchanged in the room.

 

“Thanks for helping me earlier; it did make a difference in my fighting.”

 

“You’re welcome, Jabari.You’re improving quickly so pretty soon you’ll probably be someone’s Apprentice and there won’t be anything to correct.”Rey’s voice sounds unnaturally high and nervous; something I’m not used to hearing from her.

 

“Well, I was hoping that maybe you could help me more sometime, individually.”

 

“Outside of class?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Sure.I mean, I have to talk to Ben and Master Ozias about it so it doesn’t interfere with my training.I don’t think they’ll mind, though.They both espouse that teaching is an effective way of improving one’s skills.”

 

“I’m not so sure.Instructor Ben doesn’t seem to like me much.”

 

“Yes, sorry about what happened earlier.”

 

“No, it was my fault.He was right— it was out of line.”I brighten with satisfaction at the words.“I just didn’t think that would happen.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.He’s just out of sorts because he just got back.I know Ben— he’ll forget about it in a few days and then it will be as if nothing ever happened.”

 

“I hope so, though I understand his protectiveness; I’d act the same if I saw some guy touching my beautiful student.”I can tell Rey’s cheeks are going crimson at the comment; I don’t need to look.“Regardless, I don’t really want to the on the bad side of a Skywalker, much less one with his abilities.”

 

“Right.”

 

“But mostly I wouldn’t want to make someone who’s so close to you not like me.It seems like that would make it more difficult to see you.”

 

Anger, deep explosive anger is bubbling up and I don’t feel particularly inclined to control it right now.All I can think about is how I would like to throw that irritating boy into a wall.All it would take is a flick of my wrist to make it happen.I can’t, though, and I know it.

 

“Students, don’t you think it’s time for you to head to midday meal?Instructor Rey and I need to clean up.”

 

Auxana and the other girl still at my words, which I have to admit were louder than they needed to be or than I meant.They both look up at me with expressions that are simultaneously nervous and adoring.Neither are anything I want to deal with right now.I notice that Rey and Jabari have also stopped their conversation and are looking at me.

 

“Of course, Instructor Ben.We’ll see you tomorrow morning.”The girls flounce out of the room, leaving avery uncomfortable tension between myself, Rey, and the boy.

 

I attempt to busy myself and appear uninterested in what is happening between the two younger padawans.

 

“Thank you for everything, Instructor Rey.I’ll be completing my punishment today; let me know about the extra instruction.”

 

The door slams shut— not from Jabari but from Rey’s Force push— I can tell.It’s not the first time she’s slammed a door in irritation at me.Her heavy footsteps stop barely a foot away from me.

 

“What was that about?”her anger is rippling through our bond, strong enough that it surprises me with its intensity.

 

“We need to clean the room before midday meal.We couldn’t do that with the students still here.”I allow myself to glance at her and take in just how upset she is by her expression.“Find your center, padawan.I can feel your anger rising and threatening to control you.”

 

I hear her breaths deepen and even out and I sense how her anger dissipates slightly as she does.Hopefully it’s enough to allow me a chance to talk to her about meeting later.

 

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

 

“Careful with your tone, Rey.I’m still your teacher.”

 

“No, right now you’re the jerk who humiliated me in front of a room of people.”

 

I stop short at that.

 

“What?How did I humiliate you?”

 

“Chastising Jabari like that— and making me look weak.”

 

“He has to respect his instructors and he violated the code of conduct when he didn’t respect your space.”I pause for a few moments and look at her, trying to sense what she’s feeling.“And how did I make you look weak?”

 

“By interfering.I don’t need you to protect me like I’m some child.I’m one of the most advanced Apprentices and I don’t need you to insert yourself when a boy, er, a student touches me.I can handle it myself.”

 

“Then why did I sense you panicking?”

 

There’s only silence as I watch her cheeks flush and her embarrassment floods me.She looks almost guilty and I’m not sure why.

 

“You don’t need to feel embarrassed that you panicked— fear and panic happen.They just have to be controlled.”

 

“I know, Ben.That’s not— you know what, never mind.”She slams a practice staff on to a shelf before she turns and walks toward the door, where I just now realize Ozias is standing.

 

“We’re not done talking.”That makes her stop and turn back to look at me, thank the galaxy.

 

“Yes, we are, Ben.”

 

“We’ll talk about it this afternoon, then, during training.”

 

Rey glares at me for a moment.I hold her gaze, refusing to back down from the unspoken challenge we’re a part of.She’s the first to break our eye contact by looking to Ozias.

 

“Master Ozias, I would like to request that I teach my class of younglings this afternoon.I worrythat the change of instructor will be disruptive if too abrupt.”

 

“That is a prudent decision, Apprentice.I will consult Master Luke over midday meal but I doubt he’ll disagree.We will resume training this evening once you’re done instructing.”

 

“Thank you, Master.One of my padawan students requested additional support in perfecting his combat forms.Since I have been instructing the class in Apprentice Ben’s absence and neither the padawan nor I wish to inconvenience my fellow Apprentice on his first day back, I am requesting I be released from my individual training today to provide him the requested individual instruction.”

 

“You are a dedicated teacher, Apprentice. One day when you have Apprentices of your own they will benefit greatly from your tireless instruction.I’ll grant your request.We’ll resume your individual training tomorrow.”

 

With a deep bow to Ozias, Rey exits and hurries down the hall.I still haven’t moved from my spot, confused how things went so askew from how I had planned them.This wasn’t how our conversation was supposed to go.

 

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”I don’t even realize I spoke the words aloud until Ozias lets out a long sigh in response and comes to stand, facing me.

 

“I didn’t hear everything that happened but it seems you’re being too protective, which is odd because it’s Rey.You know she can take care of herself easily.”

 

“One of the male students— Jamal?Jacob?Jab-something? — touched her during class while she was correcting him.” 

 

“Touched her how?”

 

“He tucked her hair behind her ear.I could feel her panicking so I stepped in.”

 

Ozias chuckles at my recollection.“So you assumed she was in trouble and inserted yourself, most likely in a fashion that garnered everyone’s attention.”

 

I shoot a glare at Ozias.He shouldn’t find my predicament amusing.“What was I supposed to do?Let her stand there and be scared while he pawed at her?”

 

“I don’t think she was scared, my young Apprentice.”At my quirked eyebrow Ozias sets both hands on my shoulders.“Think about it: the only people who have touched Rey for reasons other than instruction are, essentially, you and I.And she’s been with us for ten years.So then someone who isn’t us— _a boy_ —suddenly expresses interest in her and, well, does what you saw today.Naturally she’s going to panic: she’s nervous.”

 

“Nervous?Rey’s never nerv—“ it couldn’t have struck me harder if Ozias had hit me.I feel completely idiotic for being oblivious.“I see.”

 

“Don’t worry; she’ll calm down in a while and then you can talk.”

  
“No, I should go talk to her.”I reach out, trying to locate her through our bond.For some reason, however, I can’t find her.

 

Ozias notices the look of confusion crossing my face.

 

“I can’t find her.I can always find her.”

 

“Ben, we should talk.”

 

“In a little bit, OK?I just need a minute to focus so I know where she is.Then we can talk as I walk.”

 

I try to leave but Ozias closes the door with a wave of his hand before I can reach it, forcing me to stop and turn back to him.

 

“What are you doing, Ozias?”

 

“Careful, Apprentice.I’m still your Master.”The two of us stare each other down for a full minute before Ozias continues.“While you were gone I told Rey we could work on any skills she wanted.”  


“I know.You worked on foresight.”

 

“We did but we also worked on cloaking yourself from other Force users.She spent every night for a week researching it in Master Luke’s texts and we practiced it every afternoon.She wanted to be able to cloak herself from _anyone_.”

 

I can feel my heart stop at my Master’s words.

 

“But we’ve never been able to _not_ find each other.”This can’t be true.It couldn’t be possible.I try again to find her and fail.

 

“I know.”

 

“So you’re saying that she knows how to keep herself from me; how to block our bond?”Panic is rising in me with every word I utter.I think I’m going to be sick.

 

“If she doesn’t want to be found, Ben, maybe it’s best to let her not be.She’ll come back when she’s ready.”

 

And just like that, I know she is gone.


	10. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while but here we go!

**BEN  
**

Ozias certainly isn’t taking it easy on me in any way as we spar.Good, because the Jedi trials are real and difficult and nothing will hold itself back so my mentor can’t either.Besides, the challenge keeps my mind from fretting over Rey’s return from her latest expedition with Master Luke.They’ve been gone two weeks and, despite our more recent months of distance, I spent the entire time worried about her.Frantically I’d search our bond for any indications of her well being only to find she’d still blocked me.

 

But today they’re due to come back and I won’t have to worry as much.True, she’ll still block me out most likely and she’ll only spend what time is absolutely necessary for training with me, but it will be better than this.Jealousy pangs darkly, deep in the core of my being— jealousy toward her friends who take her time, of the people to whom she gives her smiles and affectionate warmth— and every day I push it back into its cage.She’s spent years as my sister.She’s supposed to be my family, the most important person in my life.And she still is to me even now.It’s just not clear if I’m remotely any of that to her, still.The only thing I know for certain is I’ve been replaced by them all after ten years.And it hurts every day that I wake up and remember it anew.

 

I don’t like Jabari, don’t trust him in the least.The way he looks at her like she’s some flower for him to protect and hold disgusts me.Rey’s the most capable person I’ve ever known and a much more powerful Force user than that fool will ever be, even in his dreams.She certainly doesn’t need to be protected and least of all by him.What’s galling is how she lets him look at her like that; debases herself by keeping him near her.

 

My focus is drifting and I know Ozias can tell.Taking the opportunity, he strikes me where I’ve carelessly left my left flank open.The wood stings on my bare skin, our tunics long pulled off and thrown aside in the heat.I know there will be a welt there tomorrow but I’m reluctant to care.My mind is continuing to wander elsewhere.

 

“Keep your focus, Apprentice.You ca’t let your mind wander in combat, no matter how much you’re wondering about Rey.”

 

I glare back at him, wondering if I projected my thoughts and that’s how he knows.It wouldn’t be necessary, though; Ozias long ago learned all of my cues and where my mind often wanders.

 

“It won’t happen again, Master.”

 

I resume my starting position and refocus my mind on what’s in front of me.Ozias again doesn’t spare me in the least.This time, however, I keep my focus and find myself increasingly making offensive moves while he struggles to maintain his defense.

 

Suddenly a sharp pain stabs my chest, though I can see Ozias’s staff nowhere near my flesh.The pain takes my breath away momentarily, slowing my movements such that I barely block his next strike.I ignore his frown and try to sneak past his defenses instead.It happens when I’m just starting to lunge: another searing pain stabs through me, this time in my abdomen.I double over, almost falling to the floor, not registering Ozias’s staff striking my shoulder.The pain comes in another wave and this time I do fall to the cold stone floor.The pain begins to pulse in my head, unrelenting.

 

“Ben?”Ozias says my name like a question in an almost panicked tone.

 

“What’s wrong, Ben?”

 

“I don’t know— ah!”The pain intensifies.

 

I don’t understand what is happening until I feel panic, cold and breathless, settle on me.It’s not my own. 

 

_Rey._

 

I grit my teeth, absorbing the pain as much as I can to control it as I look up at Ozias.

 

“Rey— it’s Rey.Ozias, where are they?”

 

Now I _am_ full of panic, almost frantic with dread over her safety.

 

Ozias’s brows pull together in confusion.

 

“They returned hours ago.She went to spend time with her friend for the afternoon.”

 

“Jabari?”The pain and my attempts to control it makes the name come out as a snarl.

 

“Yes.But Ben, how are you—”

 

“She’s scared and in pain.”

 

“Ben, don’t jump to any conclusions.”

 

It’s far too late for that.As if to prove my own suspicions correct, another wave of pain and fear batters me, toppling me to the floor on to my back.

 

“I have to get to her.”I push myself up, shaking off Ozias’s well-meaning hand.“Something is terribly wrong.”

 

As quickly as I can manage, I stumble toward the door to the main building.My mind is torn between keeping the pain at bay and trying to locate Rey.With our bond unfettered, it should be easy to find her if I can just make sense of anything through the pain.

 

“Remember, Ben, anger leads to the dark side.Control it.”

 

The words are useless to me as they’re shouted at my back.Rey is the strongest and most capable person I have ever met, if he— Jabari— is making her feel this much fear and pain, then something is desperately wrong.He deserves whatever befalls him.

 

When I stumble into the hall both of our rooms are on, my blood runs cold.She’s in her room; I can tell already.My mind automatically goes to a dark place, supposing what could be causing all of this.I wonder if my Uncle will punish me for injuries inflicted on this kid it’s in defense of my student.

 

I stop in front of her door, bracing myself against its recessed wall with one arm.Between the pain and the effort to focus on controlling it while finding her, my body feels exhausted.I steel myself for the upcoming confrontation, gathering my strength.Ignoring the couple of younger female students gaping at me from down the hall and the fact that I never put my tunic or shoes back on, I strain to hear what is happening.I only hear rustling, perhaps something that sounds like struggle.

 

I don’t bother knocking, opting to Force open the door and charge through it.The room is dim, the lamp having been extinguished.What I see, however, surprises me: Rey writhes in her bed, contorted with pain, _alone_ , her eyes closed.She’s asleep.

 

The door closes loudly when I release my hold on it to cross the room to her.The sound doesn’t wake her and the pain rages on just as strong as ever.I sit on the edge of her bed next to her so I can grasp her shoulders to shake her.

 

“Rey, wake up.”She continues to writhe, the sheets twisting around her waist and legs.“Rey, come on, wake up.” 

 

It still has no effect so I lean down, slipping my arms around her and pulling her to sit facing me.She slumps forward and I catch her, supporting her with her chest pressed against my bare one, her head falling to my shoulder softly.My hand raises to push her sweaty locks off her forehead and temple, lingering on her warm skin as I speak to her.

 

“Wake up, Rey.” 

 

I try again a little louder with a gentle shake and she finally wakes, her head whipping up in surprise.I barely have enough time to react so she doesn’t hit my nose.Her eyes search the room in frantic short darts and her breath comes too quickly— I can feel her emotions spiraling out of control so I take her face in hand and pull her to look at me.

 

“Rey, you’re safe.Breathe, Rey.It was just a dream.”

 

“Ben.”It comes out as a relieved sigh before she collapses against me.I feel guilty at the satisfaction it brings me to have her this close; to know she’s safe here with me.

 

“I’ve got you.You’re safe, OK?”I let myself stroke her hair as I hold her and force my breathing to stay slow and even to help her calm.Her face is buried in my neck and her grip on me is tight enough that I’ll have to worry about breathing if it tightens any.Her breath has slowed now so I’m less terrified but still concerned.“Tell me about your dream.”

 

She shakes her head against my neck.I wonder if she’ll simply stay silent until I hear her speak softly.

 

“The last thing you want to hear about is whatever nightmare you had to wake me from, like a child.”

 

My mind travels back to her first few weeks at the Academy when she would wake both of us with her screams.I’d come soothe her until she fell back asleep.Everything about those memories are filled with warmth to me now, despite their circumstances.

 

“You’re not a child, nor are you acting like one. Whatever was in your dream was enough to bring physical pain to both of us.”I feel her gasp and the anxiety from her.“I thought something terrible was happening to you.You’re so strong that for you to be in that much pain would take something truly awful.”The last words come out as a whisper before I can stop them, my emotions starting to seep into my voice too much to keep it stable.

 

“No, just having a bad dream like a five-year-old.”her embarrassment is palpable.“I’m sorry it caused you pain and worry.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.You’re safe; that’s all I care about.”My fingers play with her hair, loose down her back instead of tied.“I thought you were with your friend.”I try and probably fail to keep the bitterness from my voice at the word ‘friend’.It certainly doesn’t stay out of our bond.

 

She shrugs against me.“I was but I left to take a nap.I’ve barely slept for the past two weeks.”

 

I can feel the unease in our bond.She’s lying.Something about that makes me hug her to me just a little tighter.

 

“What’s wrong?Did something happen?”

 

“It’s nothing.”She pushes back from me so she’s sitting up in front of me, her eyes cast to the side.I let my hands fall away from her, settling on my lap, useless.

 

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.You’re upset.”I scoot toward her a few inches until we’re barely a breath’s distance apart.“Rey, be honest, what happened?”

 

She’s silent for several seconds, clearly considering my question.She’s torn on whether or not to answer.And whether or not to lie if she does answer.

 

“There’s no point in lying to me, Rey; I already know you are.Just tell me what happened— what’s bothering you.”

 

She looks up at the ceiling and then down to her lap, her eyes training on her hands there.She’s so close that her hair brushes my chin as she does so.I can’t suppress my exasperated sigh.I hate that I’m about to say this.

 

“Is there a reason you’re not with Jabari right now, that doesn’t relate to your sleep depravation?”

 

Her eyes flick to mine and back down again.I take that as a yes.

 

“Did he do something to you?Hurt you?”

 

“No.Well yes, but no, he didn’t hurt me.Not really.”

 

My fists clench at her response.“What, exactly, did he do to you?”

 

“It’s nothing like what you’re thinking, Ben.He just got mad at me.”

 

“Did he yell at you?”

 

“Kind of.”

 

I’m going to end him.It’s been decided.If she won’t do it, I will.

 

“Calm down, Ben.”I try to do was she instructs but find it difficult.“I’ll tell you about it but you have to promise me you won’t get mad.”

 

Her eyes bore into mine.Every time this happens I know I’ll give her whatever she asks.

 

“I promise.”I whisper it, certain that she heard.Her eyes drop back to her lap and it pains me to see her act so unsure of herself.

 

“On the expedition we ran into some trouble— well, we did several times but usually the older Apprentices and Jedi would handle most of it.This time, though, we encountered a group of bounty hunters who were searching for Master Luke.They caught us when we were all out of the ship, coming back from the house of a force-sensitive child’s family.There wasn’t anywhere to go or any way to avoid them so we all had to fight.They had us surrounded.

 

“It was going well, we were gaining ground and pretty soon would be able to run for the ship, but then I saw Jabari get knocked to the ground and stripped of his weapon off to my side.Before the bounty hunter could kill him I took the bounty hunter down as well as two others who tried to attack.By the time I’d knocked them out it was clear enough for us to make a run for it.I helped Jabari up and we started running.They started firing at us but I was able to freeze the blaster bolts so they didn’t strike him.

 

“Jabari didn’t talk to me for the rest of the trip.When we landed earlier today he asked me if I had anything to do or if we could practice together for a while.I told him we could, so we went to the instruction room to spar.We’ve sparred before, but only shortly, usually for him to practice something he just learned.This time was different, though.The other times he seemed more interested in learning a form or technique, not in beating me.This time it was clear from the outset that he planned to fight me until one of us won.I started off holding back, trying not to hit him too hard with my staff but when I felt him hit with full force, I stopped.”I feel shame come through our bond with her words.

 

“He was putting all of his energy into it, I could tell.His eyes, they were practically glowing with anger.I still wouldn’t use techniques beyond his skill level, wanting it to be a fair fight.At one point our staffs were locked and he looked at me, sneering, and told me he was going to teach me a lesson; teach me not to embarrass him like I did in the fight with the bounty hunters; that he’d show me my place.”

 

My blood is boiling now but I promised her I wouldn’t get mad so I quickly calm myself.

 

“His words scared me, I’ll admit.I wasn’t sure exactly what he meant.That was when I truly let myself fight in earnest.I still didn’t use everything I know but I decided to use enough to win quickly and clearly enough that it would scare him a bit; just enough so he wouldn’t bother me again.It didn’t take long— it was barely a minute, if that, before he was clearly about to lose.I had him on his back on the floor, my staff at his chest, and I offered to let him concede then; I didn’t want to strike him.That’s not the way Master Luke would want us to act.He didn’t answer so I turned and began walking away, thinking he got the point.

 

“I knew the moment he got up and moved to attack me so I simply Force pushed him.It was more powerful than I meant it to be so he landed against the wall and hit his head.I was worried he’d been hurt badly so I rushed over and asked him if he was OK, if he felt dizzy— the usual things.He spat at me and told me he didn’t need anything from me, that he hated me and everyone else did, too— that no one could care for an orphan and that I didn’t belong.”She takes a shaky breath, struggling to continue, so I reach out and wrap one of her hands in my own.“He said the only reason anyone is nice to me is because they feel bad or are scared of me or simply want to be liked by you or Ozias but that I would never have survived here if I hadn’t been assigned you and Ozias as my mentors.

 

“It’s nothing I haven’t heard before— you know that.I was just surprised because I, uh, I thought he liked me.We spent so much time together, he had kissed me once.But he told me he was only trying to get close to me so you or Ozias would take him on as an Apprentice, otherwise he would have never touched me.”

 

My breathing is the only thing keeping me from exploding right now.This isn’t about me though; it’s about her and what she needs.Her hurt is flowing to me through our bond, deep and overpowering.She wants to seem unfazed by his words but I know they’ve ripped open the old wounds she’s worked so hard to heal— that _we’ve_ worked so hard to heal.Right now she might as well be that five-year-old standing in her sleep clothes, covered in bruises and cuts that she tells me were her fault for not hiding her abilities.Instead of anger I’m just filled with sadness, my heart breaking for her.

 

“You said he didn’t hurt you.”

 

“He didn’t.No one, especially him, can hurt me.Not really.”She looks up at me, her eyes hard.

 

“Let me put this another way: he attacked you, Rey.You said yourself that he hit you so I know he injured you.It’s useless to lie to me when I can feel everything you’re processing.”The only thing I can’t feel right now is her physical pain and I’m certain it’s because she’s blocking me from it.

 

She drops her eyes back to her lap.It’s the closest that I’ll get to admission from her.I clear my throat before continuing.

 

“Are you OK?”

 

“I’m fine.”  
  
“Where’d he hit you?”  


“I’m fine, Ben.”

 

“Where, Rey?”She must know I won’t drop this.

 

“Just on my side at the bottom of my ribs.”

 

“Show me.”  
  
“What?No!”She almost shouts it at me.

 

“I need to know whether you need to see a medical droid— I’m assuming you didn’t see one earlier— “

 

“Because I’m fine.”

 

“Then show me.”

 

She rolls her eyes before pulling her shirt up just enough to expose a bruise in the shape of a staff strike, covering her side diagonally so it overlaps slightly with her last rib.I reach out to gently touch it, examining how tender it is.She’s bracing herself, holding her breath.

 

“Does that hurt?”

 

She exhales shakily.“A little.”  


“You should go to medical.”

 

“I’m fine, Ben.”

 

“You could have a cracked or broken rib.”  


“I don’t think I do.”  


“But you could.”

 

“I’m fine.I’m not going to medical.Besides, I took him to medical before I came back here.He’s probably still there.”

 

She’s too good to people who hurt her.Even her months of silence toward me were more forgiving than I probably deserved.It does sting, however, that even after this boy so egregiously hurts her she still cares about him enough to make sure he gets medical attention.But that’s her— showing compassion to everyone.

 

“OK.You don’t have to go now but you can’t exert yourself until you go tomorrow.”

 

“But I have to train.”

 

“Luckily, I know your teachers, so your training can be adjusted.And your co-instructor is understanding and can pick up the slack in class tomorrow morning.”

 

She smiles at me and I can tell, even in the dark of the room, that she’s blushing.I give her a half-smile in return but drop it to ask what I absolutely have to know.

 

“But honestly, are you OK?Not just physically?”

 

“I don’t know…no.They’re all things I’m used to hearing but part of me knows he’s right: I’m an orphan and I don’t belong anywhere.”She’s playing with her fingers, her eyes cast down at them.I detest the doubt and pain in her words.

 

I pull her chin up so she has to look at me.

 

“Hey, I told you years ago that you have a family and that’s still true.Yes, we’re dysfunctional, but we’re yours as long as you want us.You’ll always belong with us; you were always meant to be a Solo.And you’ll always belong with me, whether you like it or not— even if I do act like an idiot sometimes.”Finally I get out at least some of the words I’ve needed to say for months.

 

“I know, Ben.  
  
“Then what’s with all of this?”

 

“Just…I really thought he liked me.At least I hoped, but that was stupid.”

 

I can’t stand that she feels this way.Even more, I can’t stand that someone had the audacity and cruelty to make her feel this way.The guilt and pain that I felt months ago when I ran off on my expedition resurfaces; I had made her feel this way then.I can’t go back and change it but I can at least do something now.

 

“Listen to me, Rey.I never liked Jabari.”She scoffs at that as if she’s assumed that for a while but my approval of him doesn’t matter.“I didn’t like him because of how he treats you like you aren’t capable and how you let him treat you that way.You’re the most talented student in this school and you’ll be one of the most powerful Force users in history.You don’t need to be coddled like you’re some wilting flower.He just wanted you to be a thing; an accessory to his life.I’ve known all this time he has always been jealous of your abilities because they’re more advanced than his and he’ll never have even a fraction of your potential.He got mad because that truth became clear enough that he couldn’t ignore it any longer.He had to face his own failings and he didn’t like it.Everything he said to you was to purposefully make you doubt yourself so he could feel better about himself.

 

“Rey, someone like that— someone who covets your skill, tries to make you doubt yourself, and hates you for your excellence— that person doesn’t deserve your attention.”

 

“You have a lot of opinions on this for someone who rejected me.”

 

An irritated groan escapes from the back of my throat before I can stop it.

 

“You’re the most important person in my life and my best friend.There will always be a place in my life reserved just for you for as long as I’m around; everyone else will just have to deal with it.But as far as romance is concerned, well, you’ll see in time that you deserve much better than me.Eventually someone will come along who is far more worthy, though I’ll probably still hate him and hate not being the only one who gets your time.I know that’s not what you want to hear but you’re sixteen; you have a long time to explore and figure it out.”

 

She nods, a bit resigned.It’s only after a few moments of silence that I realize I’m holding my breath, hoping that this means we can return to some semblance of normal.Then I notice her eyes rake over me and her eyebrows furrow before she breaks out with a humorous grin.

 

“Why are you only half dressed?”

 

I glance down at my bare chest and feet. I had completely forgotten.Hopefully Ozias picked up my clothes and lightsaber for me.

 

“I was sparring with Ozias when the pain and fear from your dream almost plowed me over.I was focused on finding you so I must have forgotten to put my tunic back on before I left.”My cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

 

“I appreciate your concern.”She yawns at the end of her statement.

 

“I’m just glad you’re OK.I should let you sleep.”

 

I get up to leave but her hand shoots out and grabs my wrist.

 

“Would you stay, Ben?I know it’s childish to ask but I really don’t want to sleep alone right now.”  


She doesn’t have to explain her nervousness or loneliness, both are things with which I’m familiar.Even now I still periodically get anxious about my own nightmares returning, so I sit back down on the bed.

 

“Of course I’ll stay.”

 

She moves over to make space for me before laying down on her back.I slide in, making sure to stay on top of the sheets, laying on my side to face her and curling around her small frame.It reminds me of how she used to curl up next to me when she was little.

 

“Will you tell me about your nightmare?”  


“No.”  


“Was it about him?“  
  
“No.”  
  
“Was it…was it the nightmares you used to have?”  
  
“No and it wasn’t your nightmare, either, so you can stop feeling guilty.”

 

“Why won’t you tell me about it?”

 

“I just don’t want to talk about it.”She says it in a small voice so I know I should drop it.

 

“OK.Goodnight, Scavenger Girl.”I don’t think twice before whispering in her ear, “imagine someplace pleasant; someplace peaceful.”

 

—

 

When I wake it’s early in the morning and I’m still in Rey’s bed, but now she’s wrapped in my arms.Sometime in the night we’ve shifted so she’s laying on her side, her back to my chest and her body flush against mine.Her warmth is seeping into my body at every point that we’re touching.I remember that I’m only partially dressed and I’m not sure how I’m going to get back to my room without anyone noticing.

 

There’s a knock on the door and I realize it must be the second time— that the first knock was what woke me.I check that Rey hasn’t woken up before gingerly extracting myself from the embrace and sliding out of bed to answer.As I approach, I’m suddenly hit with the sense of who’s at the door.I no longer care that I’m half-dressed.In fact, I smirk at it.

 

With a wave of my hand the door opens, revealing a badly beaten Jabari.I step through the doorway and let the door close gently, making no noise.Rey doesn’t need to witness this.

 

His eyes widen with alarm and then confusion as he takes in my current state of undress and tousled hair.I lean one shoulder against the wall, my arms crossed over my chest and a smirk on my face.

 

“Can I help you?”My voice comes out lower and more gravelly than normal from the disuse of sleep.

 

He gapes at me for a moment and then smirks, composing himself.

 

“I’m here to talk to Rey.”

 

“She’s asleep right now.”  


“Go tell her I’m here and want to talk to her.”I momentarily think about rebuking and punishing him for his tone but decide it can wait. 

 

“She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

 

“You mean _you_ don’t want me to talk to her.”

 

“No, I mean she doesn’t want to talk to you.”  


“You don’t know what she wants.”  
  
“And you do?”

 

“Yes.”  
  
I let an incredulous, mocking laugh bark out, hopefully not so loud as to wake her, as I scrub a hand over my face.

 

“You really think you know my student, my best friend of eleven years, the person I’ve been bound to through the Force since birth, the _most_ important person in my _life_ , better than I do?You’re more arrogant than I thought.”

 

“Look, I’m here to talk to her, not you.She needs to understand that she shouldn’t have pushed me yesterday.”

 

I can feel that my face is darkening at his words, furious over his implication of why he wants to see Rey.

 

“I’m tired of this.”I Force push him against the wall opposite her door and hold him there. I take my time strolling over to where he is, letting the dozen students in the hall see him pinned there as I approach.“What makes you think you get to talk to her?Or that she wants to listen to any of the lies you’re undoubtedly planning to try to ply her with?She saved your life, twice, and you tried to beat her, attack her.You don’t get to take your hurt pride and insecurity out on her.”

 

“I’m not insecure.”

 

“Right, you’re jealous, which is worse.Jealousy leads to the dark side, Jabari.Or weren’t you paying attention in class all these years?”

 

“There’s nothing to be jealous of.”  
  
“Except that she’s gifted and skilled and the strongest Force user here and most likely in the galaxy.You know you’re nowhere near her skill level and never will be.Why else do you think no Jedi Knight has selected you as their Apprentice?There are many flaws one can train out of a student but being a blatantly untalented failure isn’t one of them.

 

“So here’s what will happen: you are going to leave her alone.You are going to act respectfully toward her in class and otherwise leave her in peace.If you don’t do this there will be consequences.”  


“Like what?You fighting me?Master Luke would never let you stay if you do that, even if you are his nephew.”  


“No, Jabari, unlike you I recognize how capable and brilliant Rey is.She doesn’t need me to physically harm you.I will, however, encourage my student to publicly humiliate you in completely allowable ways.”  
  
“Funny you say she doesn’t need you to fight her battles yet here you are, threatening me.”

 

“I’m not threatening you— I’m educating you.You need a reminder of one of the most important rules of the Academy: act respectfully.I’m your instructor, after all, so it’d be negligent of me not to remind you, especially when you need to respect my co-instructor.”

 

He blanches at my words, recognizing I have the right of it.He must be thinking that it’s entirely possible for me to find ways for Rey to humiliate him without violating any rules.I notice that he tries to recover and smirk at me as if whatever he’s about to say will mean anything important to me.

 

“Given your current appearance, I’d say she’s more than your co-instructor.If anything, I should be the one who is upset right now.Come on, how long has _this_ been going on?”

 

That’s it? _That’s_ what he thought would be his triumphant comment to get under my skin?A part of me is wondering whether he even tries to be clever.I shrug at him and give a wide grin.

 

“That’s absolutely none of your business, but I told you earlier: she’s the most important person in my life.Whatever that means to you, I don’t know or care.Just stay clear of her— I’ve never liked you and only tolerated you because Rey did.Now that you’ve hurt her and she no longer wishes to know you, you won’t enjoy such luxury from myself or Ozias.”

 

“You tell me to stay clear of her but you’re almost twenty-one and—“

 

“You’re almost nineteen so don’t even start with me.”

 

“I’m not her teacher making his sixteen-year-old student into his—“

  
“You should stop now while I’m still feeling forgiving.You can say whatever you want about me but don’t ever think another thought like that about her, _ever_.”

 

I release my hold on him, letting him crash into the floor.

 

“You’ve been disrespectful in your speech and tone to me— your instructor and elder— padawan.You’ve also been disrespectful in your speech and actions toward Instructor Rey.You’ve inflicted harm purposefully on a Jedi Apprentice outside of Academy-sanctioned activities or practice approved by a Master.Once I have conferred with Ozias and Master Luke, I will assign your punishment.”I walk halfway across the hall, stopping then to turn back to address him again.“Remember when you return to class later this morning, student, that you’ve now earned the ire of both your instructors.I’d tread lightly if you ever wish to be selected by a Jedi Knight.”

 

With that I continue across the hall back to Rey’s door.I ignore the whispers of gossip I can hear and the stares from the students who witnessed any part of the exchange.I only hope Rey is still asleep; I don’t want her to wake up alone, thinking that I abandoned her.

 

Silently I enter her room and cross over to the bed, slipping into it, careful not to disturb her.She stirs momentarily against me but does not wake, so I slip my arms back around her until we’ve resumed how we were before the interruption.I notice again the warmth I feel where her body touches mine and soak it in.

 

I’m well aware of the impression I’ve now given to not just Jabari, but also the other students present, about my relationship to Rey.It will undoubtedly spread like wild fire by the end of morning meal and I don’t care.She’s my best friend and I did and said what was necessary to help her.I’d do it again.

 

But she’s still only sixteen.It’s hardly appropriate for anyone to consider us that way and it would hardly be appropriate if we were involved.Seventeen is generally the age for someone to be considered a full adult at the Academy and in most parts of the galaxy.She’s so young.So why did it seem so right, so natural, to let Jabari and the others think there’s anything more than a strong friendship and a Force bond between us?

 

_Because she’s your student and needed your help._

 

I can taste the lie in it.No matter, I’m tired and can’t think anymore on this now, at least not with any hope of it making sense.

 

“Ben?”Rey stirs against me sleepily again and I doubt she’s even barely half awake.

 

“I’m here.Go back to sleep, Scavenger Girl.”  


Placing a gentle peck to her temple I clear my mind of any thoughts and find peaceful slumber once again.


End file.
